The King's Bride By Arrangement - Annie West Page 0,62

her head against the window frame, eyes fixed on the distance. Because she didn’t want to see Paul’s appalled expression.

‘I fell in love with you when I was fifteen, with as little thought as any teenager gives to her first crush. But for some reason I never grew out of it. I did try.’ Her mouth curved in a brief, phantom smile. ‘After a couple of years of long-distance yearning, I dated a few guys, kissed them, even planned to lose my virginity to one of them.’

Beside her Paul moved abruptly, straightening, seeming to grow taller, but Eva kept her eyes on the sea, glistening like molten silver.

‘But it never went far. I always pulled away because it didn’t feel right. Because I had my heart set on you.’ She shook her head. ‘You have no idea how thrilled I was when my parents asked if I’d be happy to marry you. It was like a dream come true.’ She paused. ‘Except, when we came here to celebrate the betrothal you were so wooden and cold. It was obvious even to me that you’d agreed out of duty. You barely even looked at me, much less smiled the way you used to.’

‘Is that why you wouldn’t let me kiss you?’

She swung round, feeling the hurt and anger well up in her throat despite her determination to stay calm. ‘What did you expect? I knew you had a reputation as a bit of a playboy, and that women flocked to you, but you didn’t even attempt to talk with me, not properly. You just expected me to kiss you because we’d signed a contract. As if you’d bought me with a signature on a piece of parchment!’ That still hurt.

‘That’s not true! I didn’t really know you.’ He shook his head. ‘My father made it clear you were a dutiful daughter, doing what her family expected. I was trying to do what was expected of me too, but you barely looked at me—’

‘Because I was shy and petrified you’d discover how I felt. Especially when I discovered how uninterested you were. Everywhere we went there were beautiful women ogling you, vying for your attention, yet you were stuck with me.’

Paul was clearly about to interrupt so she hurried on.

‘It doesn’t matter. What does matter is that I spent the next four years preparing as best I could to be your wife, doing the degree my parents approved of, but on the side learning Ancillan and everything I could about your country. I was convinced that once we were married and you saw how good a wife I was you’d fall for me.’ Her throat closed on the words and she had to swallow a knot of burning emotion.

She waved a dismissive hand. ‘But I saw my mistake last month when you rejected me. I realised nothing I ever did would change how you felt. That’s when I discovered I didn’t want to waste my life with a man who didn’t love me. I want to be appreciated, desired, loved for myself.’

‘Is that why you went to the night club—looking for someone who desired you?’ She couldn’t read Paul’s tone and his expression gave nothing away.

She shrugged. ‘It turns out I’m not into casual hook-ups, which is why I decided to leave so early.’

And then it all went wrong.

Eva drew her robe closer around her. ‘The details don’t matter. What’s important is that I’ve grown up. I’m no longer the little innocent who turned you into her Prince Charming.’

That was only half a lie. Eva still thought him the most appealing man she’d ever met, but she saw him as he was. Honest and hard working but prone to shoulder too much. Decisive and inclined to take charge. Sexy and gentle and...

‘For my own good I need to leave because I don’t want to be married to you, Paul. It would be emotional suicide. That’s why I don’t want to know yet if I’m pregnant. Because I need some space and time before I face that possibility.’

Admitting it should have made Eva feel weak but instead pride rose. She could do this, despite the gnawing grief at the thought of leaving.

‘Because you couldn’t bear it if we’ve made a baby together?’ His voice ground low and harsh.

‘I don’t...’ Eva floundered, caught between fear of the implications and heady joy at the idea.

‘Because you can’t bear to be near me.’

‘Can’t you see, Paul? Every day we’re together it eats away at me—this pretence