she needed to understand. I needed her to understand.
Swallowing, I stared down at my hands, at the lines of fate etched across my palms, and prepared to tell her about the horrid curse I couldn’t outrun. I only prayed she’d listen. That she’d hear it as truth and finally see that, no matter what, we couldn’t be.
Not like this. Not without a Gyss.
Twenty-two
Leena
I leaned against the wall, watching Noc. I’d expected some reluctance, but his dismissal still burned. At least he was talking to me. Trying to explain whatever ridiculous reason he had for pushing me away. Folding my arms across my chest, I waited. Conflicting emotions broke over his expression. He pinched his nose. Sighed.
“I’m cursed.”
“What? How?” I took a moment to gather my thoughts. It seemed ridiculous—impossible—but I could hear the truth in his words. Whatever Noc meant, he was in dead earnest.
When he spoke again, his voice was even, as if he were reciting some long-forgotten history and not the bitter truth that kept tearing us apart. “A high priestess did it. A long time ago, before I was raised from the dead. If I start to care about someone and they return my feelings, they die.”
I took a careful step toward him, half expecting him to flee. “High priestesses only work for royalty and the gods.”
His eyebrow twitched. “It’s safe to say we weren’t ‘working’ together.”
“I see.”
“This curse… It’s made being around people difficult. I can’t get close with my brethren. Forming new relationships is tenuous at best. Most of the time, people fade away because I’m too detached.”
Even as he said it, he pulled away from me. Called shadows to his form and surrounded his limbs in darkness. As if that would keep his hands from acting of their own volition. Slowly, his actions started to click into place. The detached demeanor. The contradicting nature of our conversations. His fiery curiosity and intense gaze that he constantly kept in check. The realization tugged at my heartstrings and threatened to bring tears to my eyes.
He kept talking, his words falling like weights. How it must have hurt him to carry the brunt of this alone. “I don’t want to be like this. But if I let myself get that far, someone dies. Always. Staying one step ahead of my emotions, controlling my reactions and measuring others’ feelings—it’s a constant necessity. It’s the only way to keep everyone safe.”
“I couldn’t imagine…” My throat thickened as my words trailed off. So that’s why he pulled away. He had sensed that connection between us, the one that sparked fear and longing in my heart. The connection that shouldn’t have been there. I swallowed. Hard. “You should know, I don’t do love—or anything remotely close to it, for that matter.”
Something flickered in his gaze. Hurt? Happiness? I didn’t know. “What?”
“You don’t have to worry about me.” I took another step closer. He didn’t move. “I don’t have feelings for you. It’s safe.” You’re safe. Reaching out, I skimmed my fingers along his cheek. Even if he was telling the truth, I couldn’t keep my desire in check. This was the most vulnerable I’d ever seen him. The most real. I wanted to wrap him in my arms and hold him close. Be with him entirely and lighten his burden, if only for a night.
Wary eyes tore me apart. “Leena, I don’t know.” He stood and escaped my touch, pacing along the foot of the bed. “You make it impossible to think.”
I gripped his wrist and stopped him. “I’m telling you, Noc, there’s no danger. I’m exiled—I don’t make it a habit to form lasting relationships. With anyone. That includes you.” It hurt to say it, but there was truth to that statement. No matter that I didn’t want to picture a world without him. Without any of my newfound friends. But I’d pack up and leave if I had to.
He gave an inch and leaned toward me, as if the action was somehow beyond him. As if we were both incapable of walking away. Gently, he ran his fingers over my shoulder. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t. I promise.” He wouldn’t hurt me because I couldn’t love him. I couldn’t be like Kost, offering affection and devotion only to be met with a cold shoulder.
I couldn’t.
He dipped his head to mine, and his lips barely skated over my mouth. We stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, each of us giving the other a chance to