Killian (On the Line #1) - Brenda Rothert Page 0,55

me was glad I’d unloaded my hard feelings. But another part hated the hurt look in her eyes when I accused her of trying to make me into a more suitable boyfriend.

I’d always had rock star status with women. I was a pro hockey player. I thought what I had here was enough. At least, I’d always thought so. Now I wasn’t sure of anything.

The sound of approaching footsteps made me look up. Orion sat down next to me.

“How’s it going?” he asked.

“I’ve been better.”

“Want to talk about it?”

I shrugged, sliding my elbows down my thighs to rest on my knees. “Sidney doesn’t belong with a minor league hockey player,” I said.

“Why, because you’re not loaded?”

“I guess, yeah. I’ve got an old Jeep to my name, and that’s about it.”

“What does she say about it?”

“She says she doesn’t care. But you probably know she called her friend the scout. She’s either trying to make me into a success, or get rid of me. I’m not even sure which.”

Orion sighed softly. “If she hadn’t called him, I would’ve called in a favor myself. You’ve outgrown this team, Killian.”

My throat tightened uncomfortably. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s true. Even on your off days, you’re playing at the highest level of the game.”

“I don’t care about that.” I stared at the fibers of carpet at my feet. “I’ll fuck up more if I need to.”

“Hockey players put their body through a hell of a lot. We all do it because we love the game, but the big league’s the dream. Why are you so dead set against it?”

“This team is all I have,” I said, fighting to keep my voice level. “These guys are my family. I lost my mom when I was twenty-two and she was all I had.”

“I’m sorry.” Orion put a hand on my shoulder. “Does that have anything to do with you getting dropped back then?”

“It’s got everything to do with it.”

“I felt the same way about the team I retired from,” he said. “Those guys were there for me when my dad died, and that was the lowest point in my life. I considered them my family. I still do. But everything changed for me when I met my wife. Even before we were married, she became my family.”

I nodded silently, still not looking up.

“If you want to be with Sidney, you have to be your own man,” he continued. “Don’t stay here because it’s easy. Don’t stay here because she’s here.”

“I don’t want the money without my mom to share it with.”

“What would your mom say about that? Would she want you to put your body through this game, be on this team, for the rest of the years you’ve got left to play? Or would she want you to take the spot you’ve earned?”

I sighed deeply, not wanting to admit the answer.

“Life brings unexpected turns, man,” Orion said. “My sister’s husband left her alone to raise two kids and I was able to put her through college because I’d banked money when I was playing. And it’s a good thing I did that because I had to retire early when my nephew needed a kidney. Now I’ve got a family and I don’t regret a thing I did.”

“Yeah, I guess money’s not all bad.”

“It’s not just about the money, Killian. I’ll miss you like hell, but it’s time to man up. Face the unknown. I truly believe the only reason we fail is by not trying.”

I knew Orion was right. I had to face a few things right now and only I could make these decisions. Could I handle the big league? Could Sid and I weather a long distance relationship? These things weighed heavily on me, and I was glad Orion had helped me face the facts.

Sidney

Steam rose from the surface of the bath water and I closed my eyes to take in the moisture and the almond scent of my bath oil. A glass of wine was waiting on the side of the tub. My favorite playlist of old songs was playing on the speaker system that reached every room in the condo. All I needed was to shed my silk robe and soak away my troubles.

While it was always fun to be in New York for a few days, I was glad to be home. My meetings had gone well and I was very pleased with the new real estate idea that Frank had presented. I managed to squeeze in a dinner with some old