Keith (Hathaway House #11) - Dale Mayer Page 0,50

needs to shift.”

Next up was his shrink appointment. He walked in, still distracted.

“I hear you’re struggling,” she said. “What’s going on?”

“I had some eye-opening discussions,” he said, then told her about Ilse, his relationship with his father, and how he’d always avoided long-term commitments. “I feel I can open that door with Ilse. I think it will be an important step for me down the road. I mean, it takes two to have a working relationship, a successful one. I still need to discuss that with her. I’m willing to look at that commitment step when the time comes. But I have to look after me first.”

“Is that the root of your problem with Shane?”

He winced. “You heard about that, huh?”

“We’re a team,” she said. “Your team. We have to work together.”

“I don’t know,” he said. “I didn’t realize I was holding back.”

“According to Shane, you’re not giving it your all.”

Keith stopped. “You know what? It’s really irritating to hear that because he’s seen so many guys, and it’s like there’s no way Shane doesn’t see what he needs to see in me. And obviously he feels like I’m not giving it everything I’ve got, but I’m on the other side of that, and it feels like I’m giving him what he’s expecting, but it’s not enough.”

“There’s the problem,” she said with a gentle smile. “You’re giving him what he wants. You’re not giving him what you want.”

He stared at her in surprise. But inside was that kernel of truth. “Are you saying that, in some stupid sick way, I want to stay like this?”

“No, not at all. I’m saying that the little child caught in the nightmare inside you is afraid that, by giving it your all, it still won’t be enough. So, if you only give half of your all, you’ll always have an excuse for when you fail or for when you don’t get the success you had hoped for. You can just say, You tried, and it didn’t work out. But secretly, you’ll be safe because you know you held back, so you, the real you, didn’t fail.”

He winced at that. “God, that sounds terrible.”

“And it probably is,” she said, “but it doesn’t change the reality of what you’ve got happening here. And now what you need to think about is what’s important. Think about what it is you want out of life and whether you’re prepared to really reach for it. In this case, I’ll say what you’re actually reaching for is happiness, something that you’ve never really had. Not since your mother died.”

Chapter 14

Ilse was a little distracted herself, as she figured out what was going on in her world, as she wondered how best to let Keith know what was going on between them. But she’d also recognized that he was distracted too, and she wondered if that would be their life. Moments of clarity and peace and togetherness, and then moments of what looked like clouds and maybe storm clouds at that.

She had no one to really talk to about it except Robin, and Ilse didn’t want to do that, in case it got back to her brother. Plus, Ilse felt it wasn’t fair to Robin or Keith, since they should be able to have their own relationship without Ilse in the middle. Then, at some point, she would just castigate herself for being a fool.

Dennis once again walked past her, tapped her on the shoulder, and said, “Remember. Talk to him.”

“Easier said than done,” she replied.

“No, all of this,”—he waved his arms around the kitchen—“all of this meandering confusion, all the wondering, all the what ifs, and how tos,” he said, “would all clear up if you just talked to him.”

“I have to get it straight in my head first,” she said mildly.

“No,” he said, “you don’t.” He looked at the menu. “Fish and chips, huh?”

“Yeah. Keith asked for it,” she said.

He turned, looked at her, and grinned. “Not bad when one special patient gets to ask for something for everybody.”

She flushed and said, “If it puts a smile on his face, then I’m happy.”

“Exactly,” he said. “So don’t feel guilty about it. Just talk to the poor man.”

“I’m working on it,” she said.

He just gave a hard headshake and walked off.

She didn’t want to get sucked up into that whole what to do thing, when everything felt so fresh and so new. She knew that Keith was slowly rebuilding his relationship with his sister. Not that it was ever bad,