Keith (Hathaway House #11) - Dale Mayer Page 0,27

think about. He’d never been the clumsy type. He’d never been the kind to have accidents or to fall and to wipe out like that. To be found by somebody else, well that was just the worst.

Had she found him? He racked his brain, trying to remember what she’d said. Shane had been there at the same time, so maybe, maybe not. He hoped not. Because that was just another dent to his pride. The fact that he was even worried about his pride with a woman was something he didn’t even want to consider, but it was hard to not see that something was developing between them.

He knew he should cut it off and stop it right now because he couldn’t be the person she wanted him to be. No way he could be the man whom she needed, the man whom she deserved. His days of filling that role were long gone, and it broke his heart because, for the first time in a long time, he’d met somebody he cared enough to want to be there for. It was wrong, and it was maddening that he would be in this position, finding somebody so special. But, because she was special, he also knew that he had to let her go. It would break his heart to do it, but he wouldn’t let her waste her time with a useless chump like him.

He also knew that everybody else around him would have a heyday with his mental state. And that just showed him once again what a rough time he’d had of it. But this wasn’t about self-pity. This was about coming to terms with reality. Whether she liked it or not, this might be fine for the moment, but, down the road, it wouldn’t be anywhere near good enough.

Why would it be? Lots of others—better, healthier, and stronger men than him were out there. And he could do only so much in replacing the person who he used to be. That physically fit, strong male who he had been wasn’t part of his repertoire anymore, and he would have to let that go.

He’d already let it go to some extent. He was well past the point of hoping to be what he used to be, that longing for who he was, but he didn’t know how he could get her to understand that. And it also meant denying himself something that he desperately wanted, which was time with her. He didn’t know what it was, but something about her just made him feel good to be around her. Something about her presence made him feel special, even to spend a few minutes talking with her. He looked forward to seeing her in the morning to the point that he now woke up just so that he could see her and could hopefully spend time with her. It wasn’t even five minutes, but it was just that connection in the morning, and then her bringing coffee back later on.

When one of the nurses shut the door as she left this morning, he’d stared at that closed door, wondering if his coffee would come, or if that was some sign too. And it had been a sign all right. A sign that he was an idiot. A sign that he would never be what he had always hoped he could be. How ridiculous was that?

He shook his head, determined to put it away inside him. When she walked back in again, bringing him coffee, he nodded politely and said, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” She left the cup for him, stopped, and then said, “And, no, it makes no bit of difference.” Then she turned and walked out.

He watched her stiff back. It was almost as if she’d seen his thoughts. How did that work? It’s not supposed to work at all. He didn’t understand, but obviously she’d seen something, somehow, and he didn’t like it. Didn’t like it one bit.

Chapter 8

Ilse didn’t know why she’d walked away, but something had been in Keith’s gaze. He wouldn’t look at her, as if he were ashamed. She didn’t have a whole lot of patience with that. He needed to fully embrace the self-pity or drop it permanently. Accept it or leave it. But she couldn’t understand the hanging on to it. Maybe he had been embarrassed and humiliated over the whole falling incident, but it was a minor thing to her. And, of course, because it was minor to her, it didn’t