"They do not leave."
A thousand and one sins flashed before my eyes, things I'd done in my life of which I was not proud, starting with a favorite toy I refused to share with a childhood friend, and ending with the loss of Theo's soul. Was I now being called to account for them? The thought of remaining in that place for eternity was almost enough to bring me to my knees, but just as I was convinced I couldn't do it, that I couldn't pass by the three Hashmallim, an image of Theo came to my mind. Theo laughing at a silly joke, Theo's face tight with passion as he found his release, Theo sleepy and adorable and so endearing it made tears prick behind my eyes. If I failed, I'd never see him again.
Theo loved me. I knew he did; I felt it in the soft touches of his mind against mine. And what was more, at that moment I knew with the certainty that I knew the Greisen-Zatsepin-Kuzmin limit was 5 x 1019 electron volts that I loved Theo with every molecule in my body. Surely I couldn't love someone so deeply, so completely, so absolutely without having some redeeming qualities?
I lifted my chin and stiffened my back, holding my gaze firm on the nearest Hashmallim as I took the hardest step forward I'd ever taken. "I am not a bad person. I have done some things in my life that I regret, but I am not evil. I don't abuse animals or children. I don't steal, try not to lie, and only kill really nasty bugs that are attempting to sting me. In a world divided into shades of good and bad, I am a good."
The Hashmallim didn't move as I forced my legs to move, closing my eyes as I brushed up against the edge of one of them. I fought to hold onto the knowledge that I was myself, a person with flaws and errors in judgment, but fundamentally good at heart.
The ground slipped out from under my feet, and I felt myself falling. I opened my eyes to stare unbelievingly at the grassy lawn of the Petitioner's Park as it zoomed up to meet me. The stone benches, the people standing around watching, Theo crouching on the ground over an inert body - they all rushed up to me until I realized I was actually plummeting down to the earth.
"Aieeeeeeeee," I screamed, my arms and legs flailing wildly.
Theo leaped back from the body on the ground as it disappeared, looking up toward me. I had a moment to see stark astonishment on his face.
"Catch me!" I yelled.
He leaped forward, his arms out.
I hit the ground a foot away from him, my fall somewhat broken by the soft lawn. It wasn't so soft that it cushioned me entirely, though. I lay facedown, spitting out bits of lawn, my head spinning, my chest aching, all the air having been slammed out of my lungs.
"Portia! Salus invenitur! Tell me you're all right!"
I lifted my head to glare at him, spitting out another mouthful of grass. "Exactly what part of 'catch me' wasn't clear to you?"
"Woman, you will be the death of me yet," he said, pulling me up to an embrace that would have broken the ribs of a lesser woman.
"I'm going to be the death of you?" I looked pointedly at the Portia-shaped faint indentation made on the lawn.
"I'm sorry," he said, his lips twitching as he hugged me again. I thought I'd lost you.
I'm not so easy to do in, I said, kissing him back when his lips found mine. Ow.
How badly are you hurt?
I doubt it's anything major. I wouldn't want to ravish you on the spot if it was, would I?
He chuckled in my mind. The desire is mutual, you know. What happened to you?
I ran into a couple Hashmallim.
You what?
"It would appear you have passed the fifth trial," Disin said as Theo helped me to my feet.
I brushed off bits of grass and dirt, straightening up slowly. Other than an ache in my chest and knees where I'd struck the ground, I seemed to be relatively unharmed, which was amazing considering the fall I'd taken. "So I gather."
It was small of me, I know, but I found satisfaction in the fact that Disin looked nonplussed.
"This result is not what we anticipated," she continued. "We will discuss the ramifications."
The three mare leaned together. Around us, the crowd was oddly hushed, the expressions on most of the faces present making it clear that few people had expected me to pass the fifth trial. I took satisfaction in their surprise, as well.
"What did the Hashmallim do to you?" Theo asked, brushing a strand of grass from my hair.
"Other than almost scaring the pee right out of me? Nothing. Oh, there was the fact that they returned me to the Court a good forty feet above the ground, but that point pales in relation to the fact that I didn't die from the drop. Why wasn't I more seriously injured? I'm not immortal yet, am I?"
"Not in so many words. You bear the gift of a virtue, though, so that makes you more or less an immortal candidate. You have a bit more stamina than you had before."