Crouching Vampire, Hidden Fang(38)

"If you would prefer I do not share a room with you-"

"Don't be ridiculous," I said, grabbing him by the shirt and hauling him into the room after me. "It's not like we haven't slept together before. If you're worried I'm going to demand sex from you-"

"Christ, woman, is that all you think about?" Kristoff exploded suddenly, one hand running through his lovely brown curls.

"Sex?" I asked, my stomach contracting at his mistaken belief. I started to protest, but he cut me off.

"No!" He stormed forward, his hands clamping down on my shoulders as I tried to back away. "Why do you persist in deluding yourself that I don't desire you?"

My jaw dropped for a moment before I snapped back, "Why? Maybe the fact that you ran away from me has something to do with it."

"I explained that," he said grimly, but there was a heat building in his eyes that immediately made all sorts of hidden parts of me sit up and take notice. "You said you wanted Alec. I was simply giving you what you wanted."

"What I wanted?" I bit back the scream of frustration that threatened to burst free, saying instead, "Putting my wishes aside for a moment, why on earth would you think that Alec and I had a future? You knew I was your Beloved, not his."

He released me. I took a step backward, simultaneously wanting to climb all over him and not wanting to be so close to him. The sense and scent and nearness of him were almost overwhelming. My body and mind were fighting a huge war to decide whether I was going to yell at him or jump his bones.

"We were Joined, but hadn't, for lack of a better word, consummated the relationship. Alec might not have been able to feed off you, but if you had set your minds on being together, you could have a life with him with relative comfort."

"But you couldn't survive for long without me, could you?"

His eyes flickered to the window. "Probably not. But a Beloved can survive the loss of a Dark One. Even if I died, you and Alec could have had a future."

I was silent for a moment, dozens of thoughts spinning around in my head. Foremost among them was the knowledge that such a noble gesture was made hollow by the fact that he had no burning desire to be with me. He was willing to die to remain true to his long-lost love.

Tears burned my eyes for a moment. I turned away and made myself busy by fussing with the blankets and pillows on the bed. "Well, what's done is done," I said, ever the pragmatist. I wanted badly to tell him exactly how I felt, but I had already told him I didn't want Alec, and he had responded as I knew he would-a polite refusal to address the issue of any feelings between us beyond those of mere physical compatibility.

"Yes, it's done." There was a thread of something intangible in his voice. I felt him behind me, not touching me, but near enough that the heat from his body made my back tingle. "Speaking of that night, I have been remiss in thanking you for returning my soul. I apologize for such an oversight. Having a soul again certainly wasn't anything I ever thought would happen."

"Again?" I asked, curiosity making me turn around to face him. "You had one before?"

His face smoothed out into a mask of indifference that I was coming to recognize meant he was hiding his true feelings. "There are two types of Dark Ones: those born to an unredeemed father, and those who were made."

"And you were one of the latter?"

"Yes." He walked over to the closet that Josef had been hiding in and pulled off his shirt, neatly hanging it on an empty hanger. "I was human once."

"I had no idea. So, you and Andreas and your cousin were all human, but were all turned into vampires?"

"No." He pulled off his shoes and socks, casting me an unreadable glance. "Andreas and I share the same mother, but we have different fathers. His father is a Dark One."

"Is? He's still around?"

A rueful smile quirked his lips. "Dark Ones don't die easily. Usually it requires an act of carnage. Yes, his father is still living. In Bavaria, I believe. Andreas does not speak of him much-they are not very close."

"And your mom?"

"She was human. She died centuries ago," he said, turning away as he unbuckled his belt.

I spent a moment admiring the lovely muscles of his back before his pants dropped to the floor. I stared at him, my breath catching in my throat at the sight of all that sculpted, delectable flesh.

He hung his pants in the closet and turned around, about to say something, but stopped when he caught me gawking. "What's the matter with you?"

"Nothing." The word came out rough and ragged. I cleared my throat and tried again. "Nothing at all."

He put his hands on his hips. I greatly enjoyed the ripple of muscles across his chest as he did so. "You have seen me naked before."

I shook my head, still staring. I couldn't seem to stop. "No, I haven't. The times we made love were in the dark. I've never actually seen you before."