Just a Positive Pregnancy Test - London Casey Page 0,88

love in my entire life.

Chapter Forty

SILAS

Leaving the hospital without a baby was maybe the hardest thing I ever had to do.

What made it even harder was having Mila next to me. Not that I didn’t want her next to me, I just had to keep myself together. For her.

I held her hand. I hugged her. I kissed her.

When we got to my truck, I opened the door for her and she froze in place.

She looked back at the hospital and started to shake her head.

I cupped her face and told her we were just taking a breather for a minute. It was no different than if the baby was napping or we had a babysitter for the day.

My mind raced to find the words that would get Mila into the truck so I could get her back to the inn and settled. So I could find my place to be alone and figure out what I was thinking and feeling.

The emotions came in heavy waves.

Very heavy waves.

One second I stood there, looking at Hank… just seeing him. His hands, feet, tiny fingers, and smaller toes. I was able to ignore all the machines that were helping him put up the fight of his life. I could see him. Just him. I could see us holding him, caring for him, able to leave the hospital with him. All those dreams that I had for so long, coming to life.

Then a second later, it all crushed me.

How badly I wanted to be a father. How badly I wanted to take care of Mila.

And now this…

As though it were some sad sign that I wasn’t supposed to be around.

That Gardner was never going to be home for me. That Mila was never going to be mine. That the Justa family would never consider me one of their own.

“Silas?” Mila whispered.

I snapped out of my trance, blinking fast, staring down at her.

“Are you okay, darling?” I asked.

What a stupid thing to ask.

Mila nodded.

I helped her into the truck.

I walked around to the other side.

Gripping the steering wheel, feeling the engine running, my heart ached.

I heard myself taking deep breaths.

Anger began to climb up through my stomach into my chest.

That’s when Mila reached for my hand.

Her soft fingers rubbing against the back of my hand.

I didn’t know what else to say.

So I started to drive away, leaving our son behind.

“How is she?” Michael asked as I stood in the kitchen of Theresa’s house, drying another plate with an already damp towel.

“Mila?”

Michael nodded.

“She’s as good as she can be. She’s holding herself together. So strong. So stubborn and strong.”

“Like her mother,” Michael said.

“Yeah?”

“Oh, yeah,” Michael said. “Just like her mother.”

I nodded and threw Michael a smile.

“How’s the little one doing?” he asked. “It’s been more than a few days, right?”

“Yeah,” I said. “He’s doing okay. Everyone seems hopeful. That’s a good thing. It’s just a matter of waiting until he’s ready to come home.”

“I heard you both got to hold him.”

“Yeah we did,” I said. “It was a really amazing moment to see Mila finally get to hold her son.”

“You got a lot of pictures?”

“Of course.”

“That’s good. Really good. I know everyone around here is waiting for their chance to hold him. To spoil the hell out of him with love. I was telling Theresa last night, we’re going to blink and he’s going to be Lucy’s age. At the table, asking questions and saying things that are going to make us all laugh. And then Olivia’s baby will be there too. Can you imagine that? Two kids the same age as Lucy?”

I put the plate on the counter and grabbed another one.

I really didn’t have much to say.

The traveling back and forth to the hospital was a terrible grind.

Mila and I both just wanted to live there.

Life still happened around us though.

Even the basic things in life like eating and taking a shower seemed to be a hassle.

Hence the reason we were at Theresa’s for a mid-morning breakfast.

It was good to see Mila eat. And drink coffee. Sitting with her mother. Watching Theresa know how to masterfully move around her only daughter’s feelings. A skill probably learned from when Mila was younger.

I caught myself looking from the kitchen to the dining room.

Wondering what Mila was telling her mother.

Michael touched my shoulder. “Hey. You here?”

“Not sure,” I said.

“You and I are kind of the outside people in this family,” he said. “I really love Theresa. I’ve accepted everything in her life. I know you’ve done the