and a few others. I soak it all in, thinking how much Mark would be in total seventh heaven right now.
And for me, this time, it’s a happy memory as I picture how large his smile would have been. I feel no sadness, and no guilt.
I am free. I am free to live again, and to love again.
I smile to myself and take another sip of wine.
Zack leans down and kisses me, just a little bit, regardless of the fact that we’re in the lobby or an amphitheater surrounded by hundreds of people. When he pulls away, I turn to the doors where I expect Mia to walk through. I try to look as nonchalant as possible as I watch music icons, actors and actresses filter by. The presence of money and beauty in such a small area is overwhelming. Everyone is dripping in designer gowns and diamonds and jewels larger than I have ever seen in my entire life. Not to mention botox and boob jobs. But critiquing the elite of the ‘rich and famous’ helps me maintain some semblance of confidence while I wait so I continue my silent critiquing of dress choices and fashion faux-pas.
I am lost in my star-watching when Mia comes up and throws her arms around me, almost pulling me out of Zack’s arm that is firmly clenched on my waist.
“Oh my gosh, Nic! What did you do out there!?”
I shrink closer to Zack as I listen to her babble. “Seriously. Every person the guys talked to asked who you were, how long you’ve been together, it was crazy!”
“You doing okay?” He gently places his lips on my forehead.
“Perfect.” I’m not. Not really, but he helps.
“Your girl is causing madness outside, you know.” Chase smiles broadly, clearly enjoying all this attention. I want to beat him. Instead, I scowl.
“Is that so?” Zack raises an eyebrow. I shrug and sip my wine trying to appear more comfortable with all this than I feel. “I’m not surprised – look at her.”
“And how do we feel about this?” I know what he is asking. The whole possibility of this exact situation was what caused our distance over the last several weeks. I have an inclination that the tense grip I feel on my waist is not because he loves me, but perhaps trying to keep me from bolting from the amphitheater as soon as I have an opportunity.
I don’t entirely blame him.
“I knew this was part of the deal – so we’ll survive just fine.”
I look at him with love in my eyes, and I realize it’s totally true. I’ve been nervous all night about the paparazzi and the photos. But a lot of healing was done at the cemetery last week. As soon as I realized it wasn’t the fear of their story being told that had me running, but the fear of forgetting them, I was able to let everything else go. I’m not nearly as nervous as I thought I would be.
And as I look at Zack, I know that I love him. I want to be with him. I remind myself of that, and about what Zack said at Thanksgiving. The only thing that matters is us. And in this moment, it’s one hundred percent true.
***
Halfway through the show, Zack leaves his seat next to me and goes backstage to announce the nominations for Best New Artist of the Year. I have all sorts of nervous energy running through me at the thought of seeing him on stage. I know, having won this award before, that Zack is honored to present it this year. It shows his respect among the music industry and his growth as an artist. I proudly hold Mia’s hand. She sits on my right and grins as large as the Cheshire Cat.
“Can you believe we’re here?” I squeak at her. We giggle like schoolgirls until the music signaling the end of a television commercial break starts and Zack walks across the stage.
He is stunningly handsome. And I blush immediately, when right before he opens the envelope to announce the winner, he finds me and winks.
His sexy smile doesn’t disappear while he’s on stage and just like at his concerts, he exudes full confidence, control, and definite sex appeal. He was born to be on a stage, regardless of the venue. He announces the winner, FunTimes, and the crowd goes wild with applause. Zack’s smile never falters as he congratulates the new band that I know he really does like,