“Call them and reschedule. Or recommend another photographer.” She’s daring me to do this, and I hate that she knows me so well that even after all this time, I won’t pass on a dare. She holds up one finger to stop me from speaking. “If you tell your clients the reason, they will totally understand.”
She takes a deep breath and sits down next to me. My compassionate best friend, instead of the bossy one I’ve seen all afternoon, is back. “This is the chance of a lifetime. Professionally….and personally…and you know it.”
“I’m terrified out of my mind.” I’m scared to leave my new condo to get on that tour bus. I’m scared of leaving Minnesota, and being on a bus with five guys for three weeks. This isn’t me. I’m not the fly by the seats of your pants kind of girl. That role has always gone to Mia and now she’s throwing me straight into madness.
Mostly though, I’m terrified because my arms still feel warm where Zack placed his around me earlier today. The fact that I can still feel him, still smell him and see his green eyes smiling at me as he walked out my door terrifies me most of all.
I may have told Mia I was thinking about being ready to move on, but when
I said it I meant a coffee date with an accountant. Or if I was going to get really daring, a drink with a lawyer, or maybe dinner with a construction worker. Not haul off for a month with a rock band and a singer currently listed on magazines as one of the hottest and most wanted bachelors of the year. This has disaster written all over it and I don’t get why Mia doesn’t see it yet.
“I know you are.” She squeezes my shoulder tightly and holds me still for a few minutes while we’re both completely silent. As she releases my grip, I think maybe I’ve talked some sense into her and she’ll understand where I’m coming from and stop packing my suitcase. Instead she says, “but you’re still going.”
And before I know it, the pile of shoes she dropped earlier is thrown into a smaller suitcase. She smirks at me and for the first time in our friendship, I have the overwhelming desire to yank her long blonde ponytail and wrestle her to the floor until she comes to her sense.
But then I realize she’s absolutely right.
Because as terrified as I am of getting on that bus, I’m suddenly more terrified of not doing it. When I made a decision nine months ago to smile again, it wasn’t just for the sake of smiling. It was the decision to live – despite missing Mark and Andrew so much that my heart ached like I was being shot every single minute of every single day. It was the decision to live for them – and their memories. To make the most of what I have been given and to honor their memories. So far, I’ve done a piss poor job of doing that, and Mark would flay me alive if he was here and I turned this down.
Mia smiles at me when she sees me make my decision before I voice it. I’ll do this for Mark. Because he’d want me to. That’s all this is – a month vacation taking pictures of a rock band and getting to see parts of the country I haven’t visited.
The fact that I still see Zack’s light green eyes whenever I close mine isn’t a factor at all.
I go to the bathroom and start packing my toiletries leaving Mia to gloat alone.
Two hours later, we’re pulling up behind the Center where Zack told me his tour buses will be loading. I’m still having a hard time believing I have agreed to this, and while I’m in shock at my decision, seeing Zack’s tour bus increases my shock level exponentially. I don’t know what I am expecting to see. I think in my head on the way over, I imagined a motor home like the kind my parents and I use to go camping in as a kid. I figured it would be a little bigger since there are more people on it, but this bus…this thing is massive. It’s not even just a motor home…it’s like the size of two semi-trailers being pulled by a cab. And taller. I can’t believe how high it is. I’m