here. Not tonight when I’m doing so well. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I will not lose it tonight like I did last night. A pair of young brown eyes flash in front of mine.
I open my eyes quickly and look at Aaron. I see Zack out of the corner of my eye talking to him and sigh, relieved that he doesn’t notice I almost lost it again. I feel stupid….and weak. Again. I hate this feeling in me. The feeling that tells me no matter how many steps I take forward, the past will always haunt me.
“Who is it?” I croak out. My voice feels like sandpaper and I instantly wish I had more water so I could empty its entire contents.
Aaron looks at me cautiously, and I slowly scan the room. I don’t see her. I would recognize her anywhere. I finally spot a group of young teenagers giggling in a corner while they point to Zack.
I exhale slowly. It isn’t her. It doesn’t matter who it is because it isn’t Sarah.
“St. Paul’s mayor’s daughter is here for her thirteenth birthday.”
I nod and smile pathetically.
“Not a fan of politics either?” Zack’s eyes light up in humor. I simply shake my head.
“Something like that.” I excuse myself and walk to the bar for another bottle of water, and a shot of tequila needing something to calm me down. The alcohol burns in my throat and I make a face, trying to stop the burning. I chase the shot with half of the bottled water before I see Garrett standing next to me.
“You okay?” Something about him puts me at ease almost immediately. His long black hair falls to his ears and I sort of want to ruffle it like I would a little boys’ just to see if it falls back in the same place. His arms and neck are covered in tattoos and he looks total bad-ass. But his friendly smile and dark blue eyes give me the sense he’s just a really nice guy.
I nod sheepishly, but don’t say anything because I’m still embarrassed. Thankfully the shot of tequila has made me feel a bit calmer.
“My fiancée still feels uncomfortable in settings like this.” He looks around the room briefly before turning back to me with a small shrug. “It can take a while to get comfortable around all the people we meet, you know?”
I appreciate the thought, but that’s not really my problem. And I would really like to stop thinking about who is actually in this room and what just happened.
“You’re engaged?” I ask once I feel like my voice will sound steady and relaxed.
He smiles, and I can’t help return it when I see a love-filled gaze gloss over his eyes. I know that look. It’s the same way Mark would look whenever I walked into a room. The thought strikes me as odd, that I can think of him, here of all places, and not be sad; but with a simple fondness.
“For like two years now, we haven’t been able to set a date with everything going on, but she’s wonderful. You remind me of her a little bit.”
“How so?” I find this odd considering we barely spoke last night when we were introduced and he doesn’t know me at all.
He simply shrugs and waves a hand out gesturing towards the room. “She’s not impressed with all of this. She just sees us as guys.”
“You are guys. How long have you been together?”
I listen attentively as Garrett smiles widely and tells me all about how he and Chloe met in college before he got hooked up with Zack. Eventually, Zack joins us along with Mia, and I realize the room has emptied to just a few crew workers and the rest of the band, minus Ethan.
“We should probably get going,” Mia says to me. I feel a little bit sad the night is over. But I follow her as we say good-bye to the guys and crew.
To my surprise, Zack and Chase escort Mia and I out of the building. Outside the band’s entrance, Darren stands outside a black Mercedes sedan, waiting to drive us to our car that’s parked six blocks away.
“I want you to be safe,” Zack explains, almost sheepishly. “It was so…so good to meet you this weekend, Nicole.”
I don’t know what to say. All I can do is nod and smile like a bobble head. “I had a great time.”