were at Rue21? It couldn’t have been. His anger at her was real. I just don’t know what to think except I know I have to see him.
But will he want to see me?
Mia continues softly. “Chase called some pilots. We have a chartered plane waiting for us whenever we can get to the airport. I wasn’t able to get a commercial flight out tonight.”
I simply nod and let her help me stand and follow her out of the condo, locking it behind me. It doesn’t even occur to me at that moment that the Christmas gifts for him and his mom and sister are still sitting on my living room floor.
***
The flight takes forever. Maybe only about three hours, in reality, but it feels like I will never hear the pilot come over the speakers saying we’re beginning our descent into LAX. I haven’t said a word the entire flight. Mia sits next to me while I stare out the window with her hand firmly holding onto mine.
I spend the flight lost in my thoughts that move from fear, terror, pain, rage, doubt, disbelief, and several others. All I can think of and replay are all the memories I have of Zack since I met him. The first night at the restaurant when I didn’t understand how I could even begin to be interested in looking at a handsome man, the way he refused to let me go when I left Philly, his warmth surrounding me at the cemetery when I introduced him to Mark and Andrew. I had let someone in.
I think of how, when I look at him and he smiles at me, the entire world seems to disappear, and how his hand on my lower back is the most comforting feeling to me. It always makes me feel safe and protected and loved. He makes me feel protected and loved. Is it all coming to an end?
I don’t notice the tears falling down my cheeks until Mia wipes them away with a tissue. She says nothing as she watches me stare out the window into the pitch black sky. It’s exactly how I feel right now. Completely darkened.
It can’t all be over. How did I let myself fall in love again only to have it end in lies or another accident? My forehead presses against the glass as more sobs escape my throat. A car accident. I try to close my eyes and wish this pain all away. The fear, the doubt, the worry, but it won’t leave.
Instead all I see are images of broken cars and blankets covering those I love most. I’m confused and I’m scared, but Zack has to be okay. I can’t lose someone else I love like this.
Pain and fear grip me at the thought that I will lose him, or that I already have. He may come out of the accident okay, but will we? I want to trust him, trust in us, and what we have together but I also know we moved so fast. And I of all people, know that forever doesn’t always mean, forever.
Mia’s quiet voice breaks my thoughts once the plane lands and begins its taxi down the runway. “Jake is meeting us. Chase wanted to stay at the hospital in case anything happens.”
I nod, but keep my gaze out the window, seeing only the flashing lights along the runways in the night sky. I have no clue what time it is. It was seven o’clock, I think, when Rachel called me. Three hours on a plane, plus a time difference – my brain is too exhausted to do the math. But I try to focus on random math thoughts and guessing the time to prevent myself from looking at Mia. I know if I do, I will completely breakdown and I’m not ready to fully give in to all the thoughts and worries crushing my chest.
“He wouldn’t cheat on you,” her quiet voice says again. I know she’s trying to be reassuring, I also know I don’t want to keep talking about this. I ignore her and let my lack of response be a response in itself.
For the first time since I have met him, Jake isn’t wearing a smile the size of Texas when he greets us as we step off the plane. His firm hug brings minimal comfort. I stand in his arms, but can’t find the energy to return his hug.
His strong but solemn voice whispers into my hair as he