wanted to grumble about the kids, Jake or work. They sometimes did have a small moan about Carla’s flashy extravagance, Patrick’s bolshiness. Only occasionally. They really tried not to. And so Lexi was bitterly disappointed when on Saturday evening, at about five o’clock, she received a WhatsApp message from Jennifer saying that they were making an impromptu visit to Fred’s sister and they would have to postpone dinner that week. The message was sent via the group chat. A second later, Carla posted too. Oh well, let’s skip this week then. I’m exhausted and could do with putting my feet up.
Lexi couldn’t remember another occasion when any of them had cancelled at such late notice without at least the courtesy of making a phone call. Jennifer didn’t even like her sister-inlaw; she was always grumbling about her undisciplined children and dirty house. Why had she suddenly decided to visit? Unless there was a family emergency, it didn’t add up and if there was a family emergency, she would have mentioned it. Wouldn’t she? Lexi told herself that it was perfectly reasonable for Carla to want a night in, although normally if one of them couldn’t manage the Saturday night meet-ups, the other two would discuss whether to go ahead or do something different. A creeping, prickly sensation crawled up Lexi’s spine; she felt suspicious of the proximity of when the messages had been posted.
She shook her head trying to clear it. She was being crazy, paranoid.
Maybe, yet she couldn’t stop herself imagining them sitting, heads together, planning how to pull out of the evening.
The bleak and humiliating thought swelled in Lexi’s head, spread through her like a disease and caused twinges in her gut. Last week, when Patrick had said the lottery was common, then she had felt a sting of something like shame. Hurt. Anger? How dare he? The vile man. How dare he judge them. Because it was them, she realised now. Her and Jake. And it seemed as though it wasn’t just Patrick judging and finding them lacking. These messages suggested Carla, Jennifer and Fred were trying to distance themselves too.
She forced herself to think about things she’d been trying to ignore. It wasn’t just the lottery business, not really, not if she was honest with herself. Lexi recalled Sunday outings that they had not been invited to but had only heard of afterwards; trips to National Trust properties or for country walks. ‘Not outings, just jaunts. Impromptu jaunts,’ Jennifer had insisted, the last time Lexi realised she had been NFI.
‘What’s the difference between an outing and a jaunt?’ Lexi had asked, embarrassed to find herself pursuing the matter, a dog with a bone.
‘We don’t plan these things in advance, they just organically happen. It’s because we live closer to one another, you live further out.’ Lexi had thought it sounded almost reasonable at the time. Although, in fact, they only lived five miles away, not what anyone could describe as an insurmountable distance. She wanted to believe they were telling her the truth because the alternative was awful. But then there was the occasion that Carla and Jennifer had gone to London to the Good Housekeeping Show and they hadn’t asked her to join them. They’d explained it away, ‘You were working, we knew you wouldn’t be able to make it.’ It would have been nice to be asked though.
‘Honestly, Lexi, Carla never feels left out if we have a coffee when you pick up Emily from our house,’ Jennifer had added, reasonably. Lexi felt foolish – was she making a fuss?
Why would they be cutting her out, and was it just her or was it Jake too? Fred and Patrick played squash together once a week, they had memberships to the same gym. Jake had looked into becoming a member and periodically brought the matter to the table, but the monthly fees were exorbitant; they couldn’t justify it. Had they become the third wheel? Lexi felt confused, rejected. She hadn’t felt like this since she was at school. It was a given that kids, teens, did thoughtless and mean things from time to time. Forgot to be inclusive and supportive. They were not fully formed but coming face-to-face with the same sort of behaviour from adults was so much more shocking. It suggested a lack of progress for humankind. Lexi felt depressed.
‘Are we not going out tonight, Mum?’ Logan asked. It was seven o’clock and usually by that time Lexi would be on at them