Just Like That - Cole McCade Page 0,96

I normally gravitated toward people who were like me, reserved and quiet, but if she was going to be next door for a while, maybe we could hang out. I definitely needed more friends, since I didn’t have anyone close, just acquaintances.

I’d touched on a nerve when I’d told her not to live in fear, but I’d done that on purpose to see what would happen. Chalk it up to boredom.

She was cute too, I’d have to give her that much. Wide-set blue eyes that had untold stories behind them underneath light brown curls. Her curves were generous and lush. No, I wasn’t going to think about her body. Completely inappropriate. I hadn’t thought about anyone’s body that way since...

Everything always came back to that. To her. I couldn’t even think her name without a stab to my heart.

If Iris was cute was irrelevant because I wasn’t going to love anyone ever again. I’d done it once and once was enough. I’d gambled and lost, big time. Iris probably wasn’t going to come back anyway, because I’d been rude and had just left her on the porch with her dog. I’d been afraid that she was going to start asking me personal questions, or try to talk to me, and I was out of practice talking to other people. That was the best part of my job: the no talking to anyone. Sure, there was the stink of bait and the hard physical labor, but every day when I went out, I got to be alone. I preferred being alone these days. It hadn’t always been like that, and I still had friends who tried to get in touch every now and then. Some were persistent and kept trying, even when I gave them nothing. I guess there was something to be said for that. Too bad I was such a shitty friend. Maybe I could practice with Iris.

I finished my beer inside and put the TV on so the house wasn’t so silent. I didn’t really watch it, but the noise and color distracted my brain for a little while. Due to my job, I’d adjusted to a different sleep schedule, so after I put the bottle in the recycling, I stripped off my clothes and headed to bed. I slept with the windows open and the sound of the ocean doing its best to lull me to sleep.

My eyes closed and I felt myself float toward sleep on a soft current. It only lasted for a minute as my brain conjured her face and then I was wide-awake and trying not to cry. They weren’t nightmares, exactly, but they did keep me from ever getting a good night’s sleep. Most of the time my job exhausted me so much that my body would sort of shut down anyway and I’d take a nap or two in the afternoon, but for the most part, I didn’t sleep.

After trying about six different sleeping positions, I got up and grabbed a blanket to sit with on the couch. I was learning how to crochet, which kept my hands busy and my mind thinking about stitches and counting and making sure I didn’t leave a hole. I was testing out different techniques on squares, and eventually I’d put them all together as a blanket. At least, that was the plan. I was only on the second square, and my squares didn’t exactly look like the pictures, but at least I was doing something. I’d burned through so many hobbies in the last two years, including puzzles, wire jewelry, baking bread, and raising succulents, to keep myself sane. Barely.

I curled up on the couch for a few hours of rest before my alarm went off. It was still dark when I got up and got dressed. I kept my regular wardrobe separate from my work wardrobe. I had to. You could never get the stink of bait out of jeans, let me tell you. I actually kept my work clothes on the porch so they didn’t funk up the house. I tossed my extra jacket, boots, and oil pants in a bag on the back of my bike, packed up some protein bars and a sandwich, coffee, and water for the day, sucked down a protein shake, and I was ready for work. My bag was already packed with the other essentials: sunblock, a hat, gloves, a portable charger for my phone, and a few tampons. Just in case.

I spared one glance for