Brent probably would have gone for a swim by now regardless of the temperature. Eva laughed at the thought.
“What?”
“Nothing.” Bringing up Brent or Wes only ever seemed to gain her a cool look from Angela. Even after spending nearly a month together in close quarters, this woman remained a mystery in so many ways. There were times Eva would spy a wistful something in her sister-in-law’s eyes, but her words and actions never seemed to follow suit. How could Eva get her to open up?
Guess she’d try the direct approach and see what happened. “So, how are you feeling today?” Being Christmas Eve, did Angela ache with missing her husband like Eva did? Had the past weeks been a blessing to her as they had to Eva, bolstering her lonely spirit and imbuing a tiny taste of color back into her life?
At the shuttering of Angela’s eyes, Eva knew she’d chosen the wrong words. “How are you feeling about the upcoming marathon, I mean.” There. Hopefully a safer topic, considering how much Angela had seemed to improve in their short time here. Of course, the bodily side effects were still obnoxious—adding uphill trail running to their repertoire had resulted in some nasty aches for both of them, but that would hopefully resolve soon. As their mileage increased every day, Eva actually found herself struggling more than Angela, whose cross-country experience surely was an advantage.
Not that she’d said as much. Whenever Eva tried to spark conversation during training, Angela kept her answers short.
Her sister-in-law kicked her feet a bit as she studied the water beneath them. “Thanks to last Saturday’s training session, we know we can at least walk twenty miles in one day. So after a few more weeks, hopefully we’ll be able to do twenty-six on race day.”
“Right.” Eva paused. “But how do you feel about it?” Would her sister-in-law humor her with an answer?
“It’ll be a good chance to see how we’re really doing. Just like Marc said during our very first strategy meeting.”
Was Angela being intentionally vague, or did she honestly think she was answering Eva’s question? “Yeah, that’ll be good. But are you, like, nervous or anything?”
“It does no good to be nervous.”
“That might be true, but I can’t always stop myself from feeling that way.”
“Sure you can. Simply school yourself not to.”
“How?” Was that why Angela often seemed so devoid of emotion regarding the deaths of their husbands? Did she tell herself not to grieve, so she just . . . didn’t?
“When a negative thought or feeling comes, put it in a box in your mind. Tell yourself that box is sealed, that opening it will destroy everything you’re working toward.” Her voice had gentled slightly, as if talking to a child.
And maybe that’s how she saw Eva. But just because Eva was six years younger and not a mother didn’t mean she was incompetent or less than. She’d loved and lost, just as Angela had. And unlike Angela, Eva had gone to therapy. She knew the method Angela described would only lead to eventual heartache.
But how to explain that in a way that brought them closer together—that didn’t divide them further?
Zach and Lilly’s squeals of delight drifted across the yard along with the luscious smells of lunch, a reminder that Eva didn’t have much time before she and Angela would be called away.
“I agree that repeatedly remaining in a state of fear and worry is not good for you. There’s evidence that thinking the same negative thoughts over and over again forms a permanent pathway in your brain, and those kinds of thoughts can create actual toxins in your body.” Brent had loved studying how the mind and body were connected, and he’d often shared his findings with Eva.
Eva tugged at a strand of hair that had fallen over the front of her shoulder. “But I think you’re doing yourself a disservice never to consider why you’re having those thoughts in the first place. Because how will you ever change your patterns if you don’t address the underlying issue? And when it comes to grief, you can’t just ignore it. It won’t stay stuffed away in some box in your mind forever. Eventually it’ll find a way out.”
Nothing but a slight clenching in Angela’s jaw showed she’d even heard her.
Maybe putting herself out there first would give Angela the nudge she needed to be vulnerable as well. “Well, I for one am nervous. Because what if we can’t do it? The marathon,