The Jock by J.L. Beck Page 0,81

happy to see me, or did she already move on? Will she forgive me, or is it too late? Maybe she isn’t even in her room. If she is not there, where else could she be?

When I finally arrive in front of her door, I raise my hand, ready to knock, but my arm just freezes in midair.

Fear of rejection swirls around me like the beginnings of a tornado. I’m scared… scared of losing her. Scared of being alone. Scared of the future. I gave up football for many reasons, but she was a big one. I hope that’s enough.

It has to be enough.

I bang my knuckles against the wood and hold my breath. My heart is beating so fast that I can feel it in my chest and feel the blood rushing furiously through my veins.

A moment later, the door opens.

Her long brown hair is messy, her big blue eyes glassy, and her full, kissable lips slightly chapped. Her glasses are on her nose, slightly crooked, and I have the urge to straighten them for her.

Someone down the hallway opens their door and walks out while chatting on the phone. It makes me realize that I haven’t said anything yet. We’ve just been standing here looking at each other.

“I’m sorry,” is the first thing out of my mouth. I take a tiny step toward her, but she shakes her head and starts to close the door in my face.

I quickly place my hand on the door to stop her, pushing it back open.

“Please, leave.” Her voice is small, fragile, just like she is. “Go, I can’t do this with you.”

“I’m staying,” I blurt out.

Her eyes go wide in shock, and her lips slightly part. “What do you mean?”

“I’m staying,” I repeat. “Here in North Woods, and I quit football.”

She stumbles back as if she can’t believe what I’m saying. I take the chance to step into the room, closing the door behind me.

I watch her take a seat on her bed, still trying to process what I just told her.

“You’re staying?” she sniffles, wrapping her arms around herself.

Closing the distance between us, I kneel in front of her. “Yes, I’m staying. I told my father I won’t go and that I won’t be playing here either. It’s a done deal. I’m off the team, out of my father’s house. Murphy and I moved into the dorm on East Park.”

“You did?”

“Yes, I should have done it sooner, and I’m sorry I didn’t. The truth is, I was scared. My whole life has been planned out by my father. I never dared to make my own path, not until you.”

“I was scared too. I was scared you would leave me and never come back.”

“I won’t leave, I promise. Please, believe me, and please give me another chance. The last few days were a nightmare, and that was because I didn’t have you. Nothing is right when you are not with me–”

“I missed you so much.” She throws herself into my arms. I hold her to me and bury my nose in her hair, savoring the way she smells and feels.

Home, she feels like home.

Epilogue

Cage

The purpose of our lives is to be happy.” — Dalai Lama.

I never truly understood that meaning until now. All my life, I was stuck in a vicious circle. Like a dog chasing its tail, I was chasing after a dream that was never mine.

Quitting football was the best decision I ever made. Not because I got to stay at North Woods with Blair, that was a plus, but because I got to do what I wanted. In choosing not to go to Blackthorn, my father stayed true to his word and completely cut me off.

I kept my truck though, and Blair and I ended up getting a cheap apartment near campus. Both working part-time, we find time to screw between classes, and in the early morning hours before we start our days. Never in my life would I have imagined my life being where it is today, but I realize it wasn’t all the superficial things that mattered.

“Do you regret not going to Blackthorn and continuing playing football,” Blair asks as we sit on the couch and eat our Chinese food together.

“It’s freaky that you ask that because I was just thinking about how far we’ve come in the last three months, and no, I don’t regret staying. All my life, I’ve been poked and prodded at and told what to do. Now the choice is mine.”

Blair