The Jock by J.L. Beck Page 0,74

I’m losing a piece of my soul, knowing that I hurt her. That I’m the cause of her anguish.

Sadness morphs into rage. “It’s not what I think?” Locks of brown hair fall on her face as she shakes her head. It’s like she’s trying to make a bad dream go away, but this isn’t a bad dream. This is reality, and I’ve fucked up. I’ve ruined the last good thing in my life. “It’s fairly simple. Was I bet, or was I not? It’s a yes or no question, Cage.”

My mouth goes dry. “In the beginning, yes, but that was before I got to know you. Before I started to fall for you, and we shared shit with each other.”

Blair takes a step back, and all I see is disbelief in her eyes. I want to reach for her, but I know even as she stands in front of me, emotionally, she is completely out of reach.

“I thought this was real. I thought you were real.”

“I am real, and what we have is real. My feelings aren’t a lie.” I need her to know that everything up to this point has been real. “I’m asking you to move in with me, how much more real can it get?”

“The foundation you lay in a relationship is the most important thing of all, and ours is built on a lie. You said you wouldn’t hurt me, and you lied. All of this is a lie.” She walks backward, each step putting more and more distance between us. Panicked, I walk toward her. I need to fix this and find a way to bring her back to me. I can’t let her go. I can’t lose her, even though it feels like I already am.

“Blair, wait… I love… I love you.” I’m not sure where the words come from, but they pour out of me like word vomit against the pavement that separates us. They’re the most real words I’ve ever spoken to the opposite sex.

“Love? You love me?” She gasps.

I nod. “I love you, Blair. I fucked up, but we can fix this. I told you, I can’t lose you. I’ve shared things with you I’ve never shared with anyone. I’ve asked you to move in with me. I love you, and I can’t bear to lose you. You’re the only thing in this fucked up world that matters. You matter to me.”

Grabbing onto her hands with my own shaking ones, I pull her closer. I need her to be close. Tears stream down her smooth cheeks, and I hold my breath, waiting for her to say something. Understanding reflects in her eyes, and she forces a shallow breath into her lungs. Another minute passes between us, and my stomach twists tightly. I think I’m going to be sick.

Then she finally speaks. “I believe you, and even though I’m hurt, I love you too.”

Fuck, she loves me. She fucking loves me.

All I can do is stare in awe at her, wanting to punch myself in the face for making that bet to begin with.

“I’m stupid, so fucking stupid,” I whisper, letting go of her hands and wrapping her in my arms. Nuzzling her face against my chest, we breathe each other in. Her scent calms me. “I could’ve lost you. I could’ve lost you,” I repeat over and over again.

“It’s okay,” she assures me softly, pulling away just enough so that I can see her face. Her eyes are swollen, and her cheeks are red. I need to make this up to her.

“Let’s go back to the condo, and I can make this up to you. I’m sorry, Blair.” I can’t seem to say it enough.

“Let’s go.” She pulls away and grabs my hand. I look down at our joined hands and know that I will never take this for granted again.

We’re both quiet the entire drive to the condo, and as badly as I want to tell her to talk to me, to tell me she hates me, or expel all her sadness, I know I need to give her time. The last thing I want to do is risk pushing her away.

As soon as I pull the truck into the driveway, I see my father’s Cadillac parked in the spot Murphy usually parks his SUV. I had hoped he would go home, back to his mansion on the hill, but I’m not surprised that he is still here. No doubt, he comes with bad news as well. Dread threatens to