Jinx (Kings of Carnage MC) - Chelsea Camaron Page 0,23

to the ideal of eternal life and that meant acceptance of how things were. Blind faith overrides all emotions, including love.

I went to leave yesterday after a nap and she asked me to stay. Stupidly, I agreed to hang around. Since I am not exactly comfortable around these Rail Wreckers I have kept my distance just checking in on Katie and then heading back to the woods on the edge of the station.

This particular station is very isolated, more so than any place I’ve been before. What I’ve learned after getting into the office is I’m in Uprising, Georgia. According to the map inside the desk, this is a dot on the map outside of Atlanta. In school we were taught to use the key at the bottom of the map to generate a rough estimate of mileage. If my visual approximation is correct I could walk to Atlanta in a matter of a couple of hours on foot. Of course, in a car it’s a matter of minutes away, but a car is a luxury I certainly don’t have. On the rails, I’ve heard of this ride share stuff where calling for a ride can be cheaper than a taxi cab. If I had money maybe, but given I’m completely tapped out using the phone I saw in the office isn’t going to do anything for me.

Hitchhiking isn’t for me. I tried it early on and the anxiety of getting out of a car or truck if I got uncomfortable is simply too much. Fear is a funny thing. It can drive us inside to flee from a dangerous situation, but sometimes it can leave us frozen in place unable to move.

I’m on edge the longer I stay here. I guess that’s what happens as a nomad. Once upon a time, I never imagined my life being outside of North Dakota. Now, I can’t imagine going back or ever staying in one place. While I like the idea of having roots, I have come to terms with the fact that it isn’t in the cards for me.

I daydream from time to time about having a life with a job, a house, and a place that is truly my own. I just don’t know how to make it work. I’ve tried to get a job different places and every single time I hit a roadblock with my social security number for tax purposes. At first, I didn’t understand. I lived a sheltered life where I didn’t have anyone from outside of my family around. Taxes were never explained. I didn’t leave with my birth certificate or social security card. I don’t even know my social security number. Occasionally I have found odd jobs to earn a little bit of cash, but mostly I live off finding change in parking lots. It doesn’t get me far and I’ve had to eat out of dumpsters more than once. It sucks but people toss away things without a second thought to someone like me who knows the feeling of true hunger pains without knowing if a meal will come soon enough.

Another night is closing in and I’m thankful that tomorrow a train should roll through based on what I saw in the engineer’s schedule. While getting on a passenger train out of Atlanta is appealing or even finding a short-term job as a waitress to make some quick cash is another thought that could work in the city, I need to get out of here. It’s like Katie has tunnel vision and whatever Caleb says is solid. She’s blinded by love. I can’t help her as much as it kills me I have to walk away. This lifestyle is one where every woman has to be for herself.

Settling in under the tree at the edge of the station, I admire the starring sky. The humidity is up tonight leaving a stickiness in the air that is far from pleasant but not quite miserable. Like every other evening, the Rail Wreckers are loud as they drink the night away or do whatever drugs they have managed to procure.

I hear Katie’s laugh and sigh wishing she could see these people aren’t her friends, Caleb included. If he loved her, he never would have gotten separated from her. I don’t know about these Wreckers, but some of the other gangs in this train life are violent. The initiation to join is intense and can be anything from stealing, raping, or even killing. If these guys are