think it would be worse to be with someone who made me miserable,” I answer and give him a pointed look.
He’s been with Cadence since he was seventeen and I’ve never been convinced that it’s love that binds him to her. He doesn’t want to be alone. Being raised by Eliza scarred us all equally, but differently. He’s afraid of being alone. I’ve always been afraid of committing to the wrong person.
“What if you’ve already met Ms. Right, but sabotaged the relationship before you had a chance to find out?” he presses me.
I shake my head. “I’ve never been indecisive. I know what I want. It’s not fair to keep dragging something out because you hope the person will change. Like you’ve been doing for the last 8 years of your life?”
He groans and drops his head into his hands. “But Stone…what if the pussy is so good, so deep, that you know you’ll never have anything that good again and you’re kind of addicted to it.” Beau asks in a rush of pained words.
I gawk at him.
“Beau, you can get good pussy anywhere.”
He shakes his head in emphatic disagreement. “No, not like hers.”
I groan and run a hand over my face. “Dude, how do you know? Wasn’t she your first?”
“Yeah…but it’s so good. I know nothing could feel like her. But, fuck, I don’t think I even like her anymore.”
“And you can still get it up?” I look at him, incredulous.
“I’m a man. It doesn’t take much; and when her mouth is full of my cock, she doesn’t annoy me at all.”
“I forgot how charming you can be.” I give him a disapproving frown.
“Learned it all from my big brother,” he says with a wink.
Beau leans back in his chair, tips his face up and drinks in the first rays of the rising sun. “I’m so glad you insisted we stay up for this.”
I nod in agreement and enjoy the quiet peace that descends as the sun rises.
Beau taps the table. “I know Mom did a number on us and that you deserve the chance to do whatever you want. But, don’t let searching for someone who doesn’t exist – some perfect woman without any flaws – keep you from missing out on something special.”
It’s the tip of my tongue to say I’ve found her. But, that’s crazy. Sure, we had a great week together. But…our lives are incompatible for anything more than friendship. And even that seems to make her uncomfortable.
Beau nudges my chair. “I’m going to swim,” he declares and stands up to head to the water.
I throw a fist full of sand at him as he ambles off towards the water.
Beau is soul searching and unsettled. But the fact that we’re here together and that he’s got enough security in his life to have space to daydream, makes me feel less worried about him.
I missed a lot of my adolescence, and sometimes I lament that, but it feels so worth it to see my brothers whole and happy.
The way I felt when I was with Regan.
Just thinking of her makes my heart thud and my stomach flip.
I want to punch myself.
For a man everyone calls smart, I’ve been incredibly stupid.
She’s married with children, I live on another continent, I’ve never even come close to falling in love. And whatever I felt for her when I was ten, was gone. But when I jumped off that gondola, I knew.
And still, I persisted.
Because I thought there was safety in the fact that we would have to say goodbye. I should have recognized that for the wolf in sheep’s clothing that it was.
There is no safety net you’re ensnared by a femme fatal. There’s only free fall.
We agreed to wait until tomorrow but, I miss her and it’s not like anyone’s paying attention.
I scribble a note for my brothers on a cocktail napkin and go in search of my goddess.
Hot Stone
Regan
There’s a light knock on my door and I put my book down and just stare at it for a minute. It’s barely 9am and Stone is fast asleep next to me. He showed up a few hours ago, and I was too happy to see him to mind that he was breaking one of our rules. He crawled into bed, wrapped an arm around my waist, pulled me so my back pressed against his chest and fell asleep.
The knock comes again, a little louder this time. I disentangle myself from the warm weight of his arms and slip