think it’s an amazing place to live. When you’re back, I’ll show you all the things you missed on your first stint.”
His smile dims a little and I could smack myself.
“Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten what we agreed, I just…” I trail off not sure how to explain myself.
His expression loses all its levity and he takes my left hand in his. He strokes my bare ring finger. “I know you haven’t, but this is…nice. We could be… friends, right?” his eyes bore into mine. I don’t know what to say, and I can’t hold his gaze.
How could I pretend that he’s as much of a stranger as his brothers are? But how could I do anything else?
He lets go of my hand and the first uncomfortable silence I can recall us ever sharing, descends.
“Okay, it’s time to paddle back to the beach,” our guide calls. It’s a welcome interruption and neither one of us tries to prolong the moment. We clean up and get ready without any of our normal banter.
When we’re back on the paddle boards, we wade out, side by side.
“You’re a natural at this,” he says, his tone free of the tension that seemed to rattle us both a few minutes ago.
I’m relieved and flash him a grin. “I can’t believe it. I was so sure I’d fall off. But I’m afraid to look away,” I admit completely amazed at how easy it’s been to stay upright.
“Say cheese,” he calls.
“What?” I turn to face him again. He’s got his paddle tucked under one of his arms and his phone aimed at me.
“Trust me, you’ll want to see yourself like this,” he says
“Okay, let me pose,” I lift my arms into the air, my paddle gripped in one hand and bare my teeth like I’ve just vanquished a foe.
“Perfect,” he declares with a smile. But then, he drops his paddle into the water and pushes himself ahead of me. I’m sorry for the strain between us, but grateful for the distance, too. I need to make sense of what I’m feeling.
“To your left you’ll see a flock of Black-necked Stilts,” our guide calls.
The mangroves are fascinating – a wetland in the middle of this otherwise arid region and the tangle of trees is a lush ecosystem bursting with a wide variety of fish and birds. But my eyes are fixed on the back of the man who reminded me of all the things I’ve missed.
I always heard mid-30s were peak time for a woman’s sexual drive, but I didn’t believe it. I thought my plug-in vibrator and I had already reached it ten years ago.
But it’s not just the mind-blowing sex that’s gotten under my skin over the course of the last few days. It’s his wonder, his compassion, his conviction, his tenderness. It’s the way he wears his heart on his sleeve and the way he listens. He brought me here so I could go home with happy memories. I can’t remember the last time anyone did something just to make me happy.
This was supposed to be fun, and sex.
But it’s gone far beyond that. I’ve attributed all of my flutters and skipped heartbeats to adrenaline. But after a lazy day of swimming in the crystal-clear water with sea lions and sunbathing on sparkling white-sand beaches, those flutters and skipped heartbeats are more intense than ever. And, there’s no doubt as to why.
Which is too bad for me.
Even if I wasn’t still tangled up with Marcel, he’s just told me he wants to live footloose and fancy free. Which is nothing like my life is now.
I don’t doubt that one day, he’ll change his mind. Then he’ll find someone who can be more than just a holiday fling. The knowledge that my dream man will one day give all of this to someone else, turns the sweet aftertaste of our kisses, bitter.
I banish the encroaching self-pity.
This was never meant to last. Which is fine, because I don’t need it to. I just need it for now. But as I follow him down the river, I know I’m in for a world of hurt when we say goodbye.
I may be keeping myself upright on this board, but Stone has brought my heart to its knees.
Everything
Stone
It’s our final night together. We got lucky and the hotel we picked has a hot tub on the deck. I climbed in while Regan called her kids and changed. I gaze up at the star-spangled cosmos. Every star, every planet, every speck