slab kneading dough, zesting lemons, grating ginger and putting butter on everything.
If I let myself dwell in the memory long enough, I’m sure I’ll smell the sugar and vanilla, feel the roll of sweat down my back and the ache in my forearms. I can hear her speaking the words that changed my life.
“She told me I was perfectly made.” Saying it aloud makes my heart do something strange. I glance up and we share a smile. It’s the first time she’s smiled at me since I’ve been in Houston and that twinkle in her eye is like a door to a different time.
I don’t know if it’s the weed or if it’s that Regan is a sorceress. Because, even with everyone watching and an entire ocean of shit between us, for the few seconds our eyes hold, we’re completely alone and back on that beach. And in that dimension, there’s only room for the truth.
“I was in free-fall when I met you.” I say and she nods, as if remembering. “I was hanging on by a thread and so focused on surviving that I wasn’t living. And then, I met you.”
“You revolutionized the way I saw myself,” I tell Regan the simple, but powerful truth about how much she impacted my life. It’s much more than I should say, but I don’t regret it.
While I was talking, her expression morphed from discomfort, to surprise, to pained, and now, it’s all of those things together and layered with wide eyed wonder and simple, but unfiltered happiness.
“I said that?” She asks in a whisper
“You don’t remember?” I laugh in surprise.
“No, God, but I want to.” My laughter dies at the plea in her voice. I don’t know what she sees when she looks at me. But when I look at her, my breath feels like it’s tangled around my heart.
In the space of the seconds that our gazes are locked, I feel like I’ve fallen back through time. Back to when I was sure she was going to change my life and was stupid enough to pin my hopes on it.
“Aww,” Celine sighs and claps loudly. “And then you grew up and became this man…she says and grabs my biceps. “I’m guessing you’ve got a huge appetite.”
“Uh, I need to get dessert out of the freezer.” Regan stands. practically runs back into the house.
Bleeding Love
Regan
“Did you eat my ice cream?” I stalk back out to the backyard, an empty carton of Bluebell’s Pecan Pralines ‘n Cream in one hand, my eyes fixed on the back of Tyson’s head.
Like a shot, Remi is on his feet and rushing toward me. Kal is hot on his heels.
Tyson’s guilty ass turns around and when he sees me, instead of begging for mercy, he grins.
“Yeah, man, I can count on you to have Pralines ‘n Cream on deck—”
As I get closer, and he sees the tears on my face, his smile falls away.
“Reggie, hey, are you okay?” Remi steps in front of me and I slam into his bare chest. I cross my arms and glare up at him.
“I am so sick of you assholes coming over here, eating all my fucking food, and then leaving me with nothing,” I bellow. Remi’s jaw goes slack and he takes a huge step backward.
“Hey Reggie, what’s wrong?” Remi asks in a voice that’s too tender, and too patient and too pitying.
“You left and didn’t say goodbye. You didn’t call me once in almost six months. How could you?” I ask him.
His expression turns stricken. “Oh, Regan. I’m sorry.”
I barely hear him before I whirl to face Tyson. “And you. This is my favorite. And you ate it all anyway. And then you left the empty carton in my freezer knowing that drives me nuts. Do you want to see me lose my shit? Will you stop hurting me if I let you see me bleed?” I shout.
Tears blur my vision. For the first time I can ever remember. Tyson doesn’t have anything to say.
“You think because I’m calm, I don’t have a heart?” I direct this question at all of them.
“My heart is oceans deep, and right now, it’s so empty I can hear it echo. You never think about me. You just do whatever the hell you want.” A sob wells in my chest. But I hold it.
I will not cry in front of these people.
No fucking way.
I lift my chin. “I’m going to bed. You can stay as long as you’d like. But clean the