Jake (Downton Cowboys #2) - Miley Maine Page 0,52

we begin to eat, I summon all of my will not to open the subject.

“I got the veil today.” I distract myself.

“Great. Did they get it right?”

“To the dot.”

“You’re a bit of a perfectionist, aren’t yah?”

“Uh—” I shrug and move my head from side to side, not sure if I want to label myself.

“You are.” He titters.

“Okay, so,” I rest both elbows on the wooden surface, waving my hands in the air, “let’s say I am. What’s so bad about that?”

“Nothing.” He casually shakes his head, cutting into a sautéed carrot with his knife. “I guess you end up torturing yourself most of all, worrying about every detail that could go wrong.”

“It’s just good sense to be prepared, y’know?”

“Doesn’t it ruin the moment?”

I take a moment to contemplate his assumption, trying to quickly recall times when my preemptive concerns took the fun out of things.

“Sometimes,” I nonchalantly admit, raising one shoulder as I pick up my fork and knife.

“Is there something ruining this moment?”

I lift my gaze and his eyes are staring at me with extreme focus like he’s trying to figure me out.

“What makes you say that?”

“You seem preoccupied.”

And just like that, he manages to turn the table. Instead of me coming in restraining my desire to confront him, he is the one confronting me.

Well played, Jake Downton. You’re no simple man.

“Do you ever wonder if I’m keeping any secrets from you?” I decide to play the same game, just to see how far it goes.

A fleeting shadow of fear swiftly appears in his eyes. So brief and faint that I begin to doubt I saw it at all.

“Well, are you?” He moves his eyes away from me and busies himself with his plate.

“That doesn’t answer my question.” My playful smile is an attempt to make it seem like a little game and nothing more.

“People have kept secrets from me before,” he says as steadily as ever, possibly the calmest I have ever heard the words come out of his mouth. “I haven’t exactly led a sheltered life.” His eyes pierce through me.

While his tone and body language remain relaxed, the look in those cool blue irises is anything but.

“Fool me once, shame on you,” he continues. “Fool me twice, shame on me. And because of that, I’ve been trying to improve myself and my judgment of character. If I didn’t think you’re telling me the truth, then what are we even doing here?”

“Yeah, but I’m not talking about questions that were answered,” I insist. “I’m referring to truths that have been conveniently omitted.”

“Belle.” He clears his throat and fidgets in his seat, clearly no longer able to maintain the cool façade. “Remember our first time?” He narrows his eyes.

“Of course.” I smile and slightly shake my head, puzzled.

“You said, ‘If you’re going to hurt me, let’s not do this’. Do you remember that?”

My apprehensive smile grows into a grin, glad that he remembers such a passing detail. “Of course.”

“Well, just because I’m a man, doesn’t mean that I’m okay with being hurt. God knows I’ve had my fair share of that.”

My face slowly straightens into a solemn state as I keep my eyes locked on his.

“So,” he continues, his fingers nervously fiddling with the table napkin, “if you think that there’s something I need to know… I beg you to say it now.”

“I’m an open book, Jake. And I know that you know that.”

“Then what’s all this about?”

Trying to ease the tension in the air, I start cutting up my serving of food and add a smile.

“Today, I was talking to my mother and she said something I couldn’t quite wrap my head around.”

I glance up at him and now he’s resting his elbows against the edge of the table, with his chin on his fists, intently looking at me with slightly furrowed eyebrows.

“She said that men’s… adventures shouldn’t count once they’ve committed to a marriage,” I explain. “And it just makes me wonder if the same can be assumed about women.”

His expression softens. “I don’t care about anything you’ve done in the past.” His hands slowly slip down as his eyes fix on a random spot on the table. “As long as you’ve been faithful to me since we got together.”

“You like to leave the past in the past,” I slowly recited, my eyes desperately searching his face for a telling sign. “Jake, I’ll always be faithful to you. I love you too much to even look at another man.”

“And heaven knows I feel the same way.”