“Shit. Shit, I’m sorry.” The harshness was gone from his voice, replaced by a soft gentleness that made me want to cry. “But you have to understand.” He drew in a breath. “It’s my fault. I know that. I should have seen it coming. I should have done a better job keeping you safe.”
“No,” I whispered. “It’s not your fault.”
“Hell, yes,” he said, then met my eyes. “I fucked up. But that’s a mistake I intend to remedy right now.”
“Cole, you can’t.”
“The hell I can’t. Muratti’s going to release those pictures, Kat. If I don’t tell him where your dad is, he’s going to spread them far and wide.”
“Oh.” It was the only word I could manage. I swallowed. Sucked in air. “We’re not telling him where my dad is. I’m not painting a target on my father’s back.”
“Well, you know, Muratti’s not entirely unreasonable.” A horrible irony laced his voice. “He said if I release them myself—if I let the whole world see those pictures of you—he’ll let your dad walk. No retribution, no nothing.”
I met his eyes, then hugged myself. Those pictures, out there in the world. My dad would see them. My friends would see them. My private moments—our private moments—tossed out for the gossip hounds.
And there was no telling myself they’d go away. They wouldn’t.
I might not be as much in the public eye as Nikki Fairchild, but I’d go through the same hell. At least her portrait had been art. Taken out of context, these were vile. They were the kind of pictures that would make the rounds on social media. That would get tossed up on YouTube.
This was the kind of crap that lived forever, and with a man like Cole August attached to the gossip, it would live even longer.
These photos would follow me the rest of my life.
And Cole had seen that from the beginning. He’d seen that the only way to protect my privacy was to throw himself back in the muck.
“Cole,” I said, my heart breaking as I slid my arms around him. He stood tense at first, unresponsive. And then he tilted his head so that his forehead pressed against mine and his arms tightened around my waist.
“You weren’t supposed to know any of this. I wanted to keep you out of it. To keep you shielded from it. But I guess I managed to fuck that up, too.”
“Cole, stop,” I said gently.
“I didn’t think you’d end up at Jahn’s,” he continued, and I wasn’t even sure he’d heard me. “I left the envelope there with the stone as a message to Tyler and Evan. So they would understand what happened if I didn’t return. Insurance, you know. Just in case.”
He leaned back so he could look at me. “But I didn’t think it would be a problem. I planned to go there, kill the son of a bitch and any of his flunkies who got in my way, then come back, destroy the folder, and go home to you.”
“Christ, Cole.” I could barely get a word out past the jumble of thoughts in my head. “How the hell could you even be sure that would end it? He might have left another set with someone for insurance against that very thing.”
“Not his style,” Cole said, “so I figured it was a calculated risk. If I was right, you’d be safe. And you’d never even need to know any of this happened.”
“And if you were wrong?”
“Then at least the bastard who did that to you would be rotting in the morgue.”
I raked my fingers through my hair. “You’d keep all of that from me? Lie to me?”
“You have no idea how far I’d go to protect you.” He stroked my cheek, his eyes taking me in, as if studying every line, every pore, every atom. “I want his blood, Kat. And I will have it.”
I shook my head, overwhelmed by the emotions swirling inside of me. “You think you have no control, but don’t you see yourself? You are nothing but control right now. You’re practically vibrating your grip is so tight.” I held tight to his hand. “Take it further,” I said. “Take it further by stepping back.”
“Stepping back?”
“You can’t do this, don’t you get that? Kill him and you’re back where you were before. That’s not who you are.”
“I’ll be whatever I have to be to keep you safe.” I could feel the intensity rising in him. A primal, earthy quality, as if he was gearing up for a fight. “I promise you. I can do what’s necessary with no problem whatsoever.”
I ran my fingers through my hair again, searching for an answer. The truth was, I didn’t care if he killed Muratti. From what I knew of the son of a bitch, he deserved to die. But the consequences to Cole scared me to death. “What about giving the land back?”
“Ran that option by the old man. He’s way past wanting the land. All he wants now is his pound of flesh.”