And, yes, I was glad of that.
But the bottom line was that when the shit had hit the fan, he’d run from me instead of to me. And that one simple fact felt like a fist around my heart.
Sloane hovered a little bit longer, then finally left on a wave of promises to get Tyler on it and to call the moment they heard anything. As soon as I heard her car pull out of the driveway, I stood up. I wasn’t sure what I intended to do, but I knew I needed to move.
What I wanted was to go toe-to-toe with Cole. To tell him he was an idiot. To poke him in the chest and ask him what the hell he was thinking. Didn’t he know he could tell me anything? That he didn’t have to hide his temper from me? That if he had to explode he could let it all go in front of me?
Didn’t he know that I loved him? Didn’t he understand what that meant?
Frustrated, I pulled out my phone and again dialed his number. Once again, I got his voicemail. “Dammit, Cole,” I said. “Where are you? Call me. You’re scaring me, you know that, right? Not because I’m afraid you’re hurt, but because I’m afraid—” My breath hitched, and I blinked furiously, forcing back the tears. “I’m just afraid,” I finished lamely. And then, because I didn’t want to just blather on, I ended the call.
As soon as it disconnected, I called my father on the burner. I wasn’t even conscious of making the decision to call, but soon the phone was ringing and I knew that other than seeing Cole, the only thing I wanted right then in the world was to hear my dad telling me that it was all going to be okay.
“Kitty Cat,” he said softly.
“Daddy.” It was the only word I could manage though the tears that filled my throat.
“Is this a good-news call? I thought you weren’t going to call your old man until this whole mess blew over.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get your hopes up.”
For a moment, there was silence, then his voice came back on the line, soft and gentle. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
That did it. The tears flowed freely. “Nothing,” I said. “Nothing to do with you, I mean. It’s just—it’s just—” I sucked in air. “I guess I just want to see you. But I can’t. Not yet. But I had to at least hear your voice, you know?”
“You’re scaring me, kiddo. You going to tell your old man what’s wrong? You in trouble?”
“No,” I said quickly. “No, it’s just Cole.”
“You have a fight?” he asked, his voice full of protective paternalism.
“No,” I said. “But when I find him I think we will.” I told him briefly what had happened. How something had upset Cole, and how he’d gone off wild into the night to fight his demons.
“Well, they’re his demons, aren’t they?” Daddy asked.
“I—well, yes. But—”
“Give him a chance, sweetheart.”
“A chance?”
He sighed. “Love doesn’t change who a person is, kiddo. Just the opposite. Love lets you strip away all the armor you’ve put on to protect you from the riffraff of the world. You love Cole?”
“Yes.”
“So if he needs time alone, does that make you love him less?”
“No, of course not, but—” I felt my fear and temper deflate just a little. “I want to help him,” I finished lamely. “I want him to need me.”
“I’m sure he does. But does that mean he has to follow the script in your head? Give him space. Talk to him. Don’t manufacture a problem until there is a problem. I’ve seen the way that boy looks at you,” my dad added. “And trust me when I say that he loves you.”
I was smiling when I ended the call, which was a miracle in and of itself since I was no closer to finding Cole. But everything my dad said had soothed me, and it saddened me a bit that Cole had gone his entire life without a parent watching his back.
Except he hadn’t.
I cocked my head, turning the thought over as I examined it. Maybe he hadn’t had a mother and father. Maybe he hadn’t lived the stereotypical life with two parents, a picket fence, and a dog. But he’d had brothers, hadn’t he? Tyler and Evan.
And he’d had a father. He’d had Jahn.