I drew in a breath, thinking that was the most perfect thing anyone had ever said to me. And also thinking that I couldn’t say those words aloud. Not and continue to be the person I thought I was. The cop I thought I’d become.
“I am glad,” I said instead. “But he’s dead because the system messed up. I tried to get that bastard arrested, but the cops were too starry-eyed.” I dropped down to the grass and stretched out my legs. “I would have kept trying, but someone blew him away first.”
“So you became a cop to fix the system.”
“I became a cop because I believe in the system. Harvey Grier should be spending a long life rotting in jail. Dead, and it’s just over.”
He joined me on the ground, his hand on my thigh. As always with Tyler’s touch, I felt the heat of connection. But this time it was warm and calm and gentle. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry you had to live through that.”
“But I did live through it,” I said. “So I guess that’s a win.”
“What about your mom? She must have been relieved to be free of that asshole.”
“Yeah,” I said. “I would have thought so. But she shut herself off. Closed herself up. And—” I shook my head. “She just sort of checked out of herself. Just drifted. Never really settled.” I licked my lips. “And then she died. Two years ago. Cancer.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Me, too. I thought—I thought that once he was gone she would have been happy, you know? Alive again. But she never was.”
I ran my fingers through my hair and turned away, not wanting to see his face through the red curtain of my memories. “Sometimes I think that if they’d arrested him instead, if there had been a trial, she would have been able to deal with it. They’d have gotten her counseling for the abuse, right? As it was, she was just a minor celebrity’s widow. She never told anyone about the abuse, and no one helped her. I tried, but I was still just a kid. If the system had worked the way it was supposed to, then maybe she—”
I cut myself off, biting my lower lip. “She was a good woman. Fragile, but good. She didn’t know how to get herself out of a bad situation, and she did everything she could to protect me from him. But after I—after he was killed, she rolled into herself. I lost her.”
He tucked a finger under my chin and turned my head to face him. “I’ve never seen you in action, but I’ve asked enough questions to know that you’re a good cop. So you have to know that the system isn’t perfect. It isn’t even close.”
“It evens out,” I said. “Justice finds a way.”
“Does it?”
I smiled. “That’s what my dad always says. And my dad is a very smart man.” I drew in a breath and ran my thumb under my eye, catching an escaping tear. “Sorry.” I managed a teasing smile. “I guess your motto is the opposite? ‘Screw justice’?”
As I’d hoped, he laughed. “There you go, assuming things about me.”
“Is that what I’m doing? Maybe I want to know how you started down the dark path. Come on, Mr. Sharp. I’ve revealed all. Why don’t you tell me why you became a criminal.”
“Such a loaded question, Detective. What makes you think I am?”
“Because I’m not an idiot,” I said.
“Cute, but I’m serious.” He leaned forward. “I admit I like to live dangerously. I love the thrill of acquiring something through my wits. Isn’t that the defining core of every successful businessman? But what crimes have I committed? What evidence do you have?”
“Never mind. Just drop it.”
“No,” he said. “I want to know.”
I sighed. I wanted to know, too. But I couldn’t deny that I feared his answer. Even so, I pressed on. “Evidence, no. But there’s a lot of talk about you and your friends. A lot of speculation.”
“Sticks and stones,” he said.
“Dammit, it’s a conversation. I’m not wearing a wire. I’m not even a Chicago cop. And I’m sure as hell not playing a game. Christ, Tyler, I’m—”
I’m falling for you.
I blinked, shocked by the intensity of the thought. And I didn’t look at him. Instead, I looked everywhere but.
“I’m—I like you,” I finally said. “I like us. But I don’t even know you.”
“What if I told you I was squeaky clean?” His voice was so very gentle, and in that moment I feared that he’d heard past the words to the truth in my voice. “What if I said that everything you fear is in the past?”