It's A Wonderful Midlife Crisis (Good To The Last Death #1) - Robyn Peterman Page 0,84

taken me at my word earlier at the nursing home that I was the only living being who could see him. I’d forgotten about Gideon.

Steve didn’t hear me. He walked right up to the porch and checked Gideon out.

“He seems a little intense,” Steve pointed out as I wanted to melt into the ground like the Wicked Witch of the West. “However, he’s handsome and in excellent shape. I’d say the age is right too. He looks mid-forties—a very well-preserved mid-forties. This one is definitely straight—I get no gay vibe at all. The suit is high quality, which means he has money and good taste. Although, Daisy, I don’t want you going for a man just because he has money.”

“I umm…” The crack about Gideon’s age almost did me in.

Gideon’s brows shot up and he grinned when Steve pronounced him straight. However, Steve missed it. He was on a roll.

“Steve,” I tried again.

Again, Steve either didn’t hear me or was just so excited about the prospect sitting on the porch, he didn’t care. Gideon seemed amused—highly amused.

“Okay,” Steve went on. “Only you and I know you haven’t had sex in a decade or so. This guy doesn’t need that info. Maybe we should watch a little porn so you’ll be more comfortable when you get down to it.”

The ringing in my ears made it impossible to speak. If I wasn’t frozen in shock, I would have taken Steve’s head off and drop-kicked it. I knew I could re-glue it later. I couldn’t believe he’d just told the Grim Reaper I hadn’t had sex in ten years. It wasn’t exactly accurate, but Stan didn’t count.

“Please stop,” I choked out.

Steve couldn’t have heard the mortified horror in my voice. My best friend never would have thrown me under the bus and backed over me ten times if he had. But he just kept going—like the dead Energizer bunny on steroids.

“I think we go about this very subtly. Invite him to dinner at least three times before you seduce him,” my dead husband suggested, getting more excited with each piece of horrifying advice he doled out. “This guy looks like he knows his way around a woman. If he turns out to be a player, we’ll kick his ass to the curb. He’d be lucky to have someone like you though. You’re beautiful and smart and even though I wasn’t into them, your breasts are tremendous.”

And that’s when Gideon chuckled.

Steve looked a bit surprised and whipped around to check in with me. I was sure I was the color of the big white box I was holding—or possibly green. I didn’t know if I was going to puke or pass out.

I considered running away, but that would be even more mortifying.

“He can hear you,” I whispered, wanting to die.

“Shit. Are you serious? Is he dead too?”

“No, I’m not,” Gideon said as Steve let his chin fall to his chest in embarrassment.

Steve was embarrassed? I wanted to finish the hole Donna had started in the yard and crawl into it. The last five minutes were in the running for the worst of my life.

“I think I might have overstepped,” Steve said.

“You think?” I hissed, trying to figure out how to make all of this go away.

Steve turned to Gideon and waved. “Hi. I’d like to apologize for yet again ruining my wife’s life.”

“Your wife?” Gideon asked with a raised brow as he got up from the chair.

“It’s complicated,” I said, practically running up the steps to enter my house.

I would just go to my bedroom, lock the door and hide for a few months. Maybe Heather would let me work from home.

“Damn it,” I hissed.

I lived in the country. Why in the heck did I even lock my doors? I couldn’t even make a graceful exit from the worst humiliation of my life.

Putting the box down, I ransacked my purse for the house key. Steve and Gideon watched me have what basically amounted to a profane panic attack. I’d never strung so many swear words together in my life.

“Wow, Daisy,” Steve said with wide eyes. “I’ve never heard you cuss like that.”

I didn’t grace him with a reply. He was so close to losing a body part I could taste it. However, I didn’t really want to have a go at my dead husband in front of Gideon.

Gideon had already witnessed me being violent—his broken nose and sore junk were proof. A classy woman did not smackdown on her guests, even if her guests