It's A Wonderful Midlife Crisis (Good To The Last Death #1) - Robyn Peterman Page 0,65

have to work. You need to go watch TV in the family room.”

No one was listening to me. You’d think after all the surgery I’d done a few hours ago they’d cut me a freaking break. No such luck.

“Fine,” I grumbled with an eye roll. “I’ll open the package and then I have to work. And that means you have to leave me alone. Clear?”

Everyone nodded and trembled with anticipation. I half wondered if I should open the package outside. After Tim’s reaction and now the reaction of the dead, I was worried about the contents.

Donna barked and wagged her tail. Karen was snooping around the garbage.

“Donna, is it safe to open this?” I asked as I stood up and put the trash can under the sink.

Donna barked and kept wagging her bottom. Karen looked mortally offended that I’d taken her potential snack away. Having dogs was like what I imagined having kids would be like—not that I was going to ever have children. Pushing the sad thought away, I decided to believe Donna and I opened the package.

“How is this possible?” I muttered as I stared at it. I’d only ordered the Ouija board yesterday. How did it arrive today? I hadn’t paid for expedited shipping. I never did that.

The deceased squatters were beside themselves. They flew around so fast that a sharp wind blew my paperwork all over the kitchen. Not good.

“Enough,” I shouted over the melee as I picked up the scattered papers and tried to put them back into some semblance of order. To my relief, the pages were numbered. “This is not working for me. I get that you’re excited, but I’ll send it back if you freaks don’t calm down.”

The room went still and the ghosts hovered and trembled. I could tell they were worried now and I felt bad.

“Guys, I’m not sending it back,” I promised as I sat back in the chair and let my head fall to my hands. “However, I still have to have a normal life that doesn’t have anything to do with dead people. Can you understand that?”

Everyone nodded. I was relieved no heads hit the floor. I was still peeling superglue off my fingertips from the earlier appendage reattachments.

“Great. After I get some work done, I’ll open the Ouija board and read the instructions. Cool?”

Again, they nodded. Again, all heads stayed where they were supposed to. One by one, they floated away.

Finally, I was alone in my kitchen. Even Donna and Karen had gone to the family room to watch TV. As I began the arduous task of dealing with the boring paperwork, I could feel the Ouija board staring at me.

“Stop it,” I insisted and went on reading the deal points for the sale of a shopping center.

I couldn’t believe I’d just chastised an inanimate object, but I also couldn’t believe I’d kissed the Grim Reaper and that I was living with dead people.

“I said, stop it,” I hissed at the Ouija board that was doing nothing except sitting quietly on the kitchen table. I stared at it for three minutes and then groaned. “Fine. I give up.”

Tearing open the box, I grabbed the instruction booklet and sighed. It was unfortunately long. As I began to read the pages of directions, Donna trotted back into the kitchen and growled.

“I don’t need to read the directions?” I asked, surprised. “I’ve never used one of these before.”

My puppy barked and wagged her bottom. I stared at her for a very long moment. She simply continued to wag her furry bottom so hard I laughed.

“I really need to find out what kind of dog you are,” I muttered. “Or maybe I don’t.”

It didn’t matter to me if Donna wasn’t a dog at all, which was beginning to seem like a distinct possibility even though she looked like a dog. I loved her. Completely.

“Okay,” I said, tossing the directions on the table. “What am I supposed to do?”

If she answered me in a complete sentence, I would pass out. She didn’t. It looked like I was going have to go at this trial-and-error style—just like everything else in my life lately.

A ghost floated into the kitchen and seated herself at the table. She had kind eyes and wild curly hair. She was in a lighter state of decomposition than the group that had lost their heads. I guessed her age to be somewhere in her eighties, maybe early nineties. She had a delightful air about her and I wondered why