It's A Wonderful Midlife Crisis (Good To The Last Death #1) - Robyn Peterman Page 0,21

Done.

This new twist? Not clear.

“God, I’m sorry, Sam,” I said, letting my head fall to the kitchen table with a thud. I was exhausted, but Sam was so upset I kept trying. “I don’t know what you’re trying to tell me.”

Donna barked and peed on my foot. Great. Could the night get any better?

Hopping across the kitchen with my pee foot in the air so I didn’t track urine all over, I grabbed some paper towels and cleaner. My contacts were giving me a headache. Popping them out, I found my glasses on the breakfast bar.

Sam went nuts.

“Gaussaus,” he grunted.

“You’re gaseous?” I asked, really not needing to know the bathroom habits of the dead. I quickly cleaned up the pee mess and sat back down.

“Naawwwooo,” he groaned.

“Okay. You don’t have gas?”

Sam shook his head no and pointed to my eyes. “Gaussaus.”

“My glasses?” I asked.

“Yausssss,” he said, getting excited. “Lassssh gaussaus.”

“Lash glasses?” I guessed.

Donna growled.

“Naawwwooo,” Sam said. “Lassssh gaussaus.”

“Last glasses?” I tried again.

Donna growled again. What the hell? Was she letting me know I was wrong? Could she understand Sam? Dogs were smart, but they didn’t speak English at three months old… or ever. She’d just peed on my foot. There was no way she understood a dead person.

“Naawwwooo.” Sam repeated the same odd phrase. “Lassssh gaussaus.”

“Lost glasses?” I asked, just wanting to go to bed.

Donna the Destroyer barked and wagged her tail. She also peed a little more on my foot. Awesome.

“Yausssss,” Sam bellowed, causing the lights in the old farmhouse to flicker.

Holy Hell on a Sunday. My dog understands dead people.

I’d had enough for one night.

“Okay, Sam. We’ve established you lost your glasses,” I said, re-wiping the floor and hoping my new puppy was peed out for the night, “We’ll get back to this tomorrow. Cool? I can’t keep my eyes open.”

Sam didn’t look wildly pleased with the turn of events, but he nodded his head politely and faded away. I sat there for a long moment and tried to make sense of my life. It wasn’t possible. Plus, it was now three-thirty in the morning.

I’d make sense of my life tomorrow—or later today as it were.

Or maybe not.

The possibilities were endless.

“Come on, Donna. We’re going to bed.”

I knew it wasn’t the smartest move to take a furball into my bed that had peed on me twice in the last ten minutes alone, but it felt right. I’d probably live to regret it, but that’s what washing machines and showers were for.

Chapter Six

“What are all of you guys doing here?” I asked, walking into Missy’s bookstore at nine AM sharp with Donna in tow. I’d stopped by the pet store and bought my puppy a hot pink collar and leash along with a ridiculous amount of chew toys on my credit card.

With the promise of the life insurance money coming in, it felt kind of safe to spend a little. I wouldn’t spend it on myself, but my furry baby needed a few items. I was hoping Donna the Destroyer didn’t live up to the name I’d bestowed on her. I liked my couches. “Clarissa will have an aneurysm if no one’s in the office.”

Jennifer grinned—or she tried to. “The Wicked Witch isn’t in today, so we’re playing hooky and taking a short coffee break.”

Clarissa never missed work. I suspected her goal in life was to terrorize us and she couldn’t do that if she wasn’t there. Maybe she’d nailed Gideon and they were making a late morning of it. The fact that the thought of them together bothered me was highly annoying. I didn’t want the man. He was bad news and then some. And I wouldn’t know what to do with him if I did have him.

“I just love romance novels,” June gushed with a sigh as she perused the romance aisle of Missy’s shop.

“Romance novels are full of unrealistic sexual expectations,” Heather said with a raised brow. “I don’t know anyone who can orgasm fifteen times in a night—male or female.”

“Oh, I know that,” June said with a delightful giggle. “I have my own Prince Charming that I’m keeping who happens to be wonderful in the sack. But these books are so much fun.”

June was the only one of us who had achieved a real and loving happily-ever-after. Her husband Charlie was as sweet as she was. He was a lab technician at the local hospital. Slightly overweight with a contagious laugh and twinkling blue eyes, Charlie worshipped the ground June walked on. Her kids were