“Lily,” he whispers, still holding me tightly. “I know this is the last thing you need to hear right now. But I have to say it because I’ve walked away from you too many times without saying what I really want to say.”
He pulls back to look down at me and when he sees my tears, he brings his hands up to my cheeks. “In the future . . . if by some miracle you ever find yourself in the position to fall in love again . . . fall in love with me.” He presses his lips against my forehead. “You’re still my favorite person, Lily. Always will be.”
He releases me and walks away, not even needing a response.
When I close the door again, I slide to the floor. My heart feels like it wants to give up. I don’t blame it. It’s suffered through two separate heartaches in the course of two days.
And I have a feeling it’s going to be a long time before either of those heartaches can even begin to heal.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Allysa drops onto the couch beside me and Rylee. “I miss you so much, Lily,” she says. “I’m thinking about coming back to work a day or two a week.”
I laugh, a little shocked by her comment. “I live downstairs and I visit almost every day. How can you possibly miss me?”
She pouts as she pulls her legs up beneath her. “Fine, it’s not you I miss. I miss work. And sometimes I just want out of this house.”
It’s been six weeks since she had Rylee, so I’m sure she would be cleared to come back to work. But I honestly didn’t think she’d even want to come back now that she has Rylee. I bend forward and give Rylee a kiss on her nose. “Would you bring Rylee with you?”
Allysa shakes her head. “No, you keep me too busy for that. Marshall can watch her while I work.”
“You mean you don’t have people for that?”
Marshall is passing through the living room when he hears me say that. “Shush, Lily. Don’t speak like a rich girl in front of my daughter. Blasphemy.”
I laugh. That’s why I come over here a few nights a week, because it’s the only time I laugh. It’s been six weeks since Ryle left for England, and no one knows what happened between us. Ryle hasn’t told anyone, and neither have I. Everyone, my mother included, believes he simply left for the study at Cambridge and that nothing has changed between us.
I also still haven’t told anyone about the pregnancy.
I’ve been to the doctor twice. It turns out I was already twelve weeks along the night I found out I was pregnant, which makes me eighteen weeks along now. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. I’ve been on the pill since I was eighteen. Apparently being forgetful a few times caught up with me.
I’m beginning to show, but it’s cold out so it’s been easy to hide. No one suspects a thing when you have on a baggy sweater and a jacket.
I know I need to tell someone soon, but I feel like Ryle should be the first one I tell, and I don’t want to do that over a long-distance phone conversation. He’ll be back in six weeks. If I can somehow keep things quiet until then, I’ll decide where to go from there.
I look down at Rylee and she’s smiling up at me. I make silly faces at her to make her smile more. There have been so many times I’ve wanted to tell Allysa about the pregnancy, but it makes it hard when the secret I’m keeping is being kept from her own brother. I don’t want to put her in that kind of situation, no matter how much it kills me that I can’t talk to her about it.
“How are you holding up without Ryle?” Allysa asks. “You ready for him to come home?”
I nod, but I don’t say anything. I always try to brush off the subject when she brings him up.
Allysa leans back into the couch and says, “Is he still liking Cambridge?”
“Yes,” I say, sticking my tongue out at Rylee. She grins. I wonder if my baby will look like her. I hope so. She’s really cute, but I might be a little partial.
“Did he ever figure out the subway system there?” Allysa laughs. “I swear, every time I talk to him, he’s lost. He can’t figure out whether to