kind of man had she gotten herself tangled up with? A worldly one. So how could she possibly keep his interest if things like threesomes and fucking women’s tits and getting blow jobs were common occurrences for him? She didn’t know how to do any of that stuff. Well she did have a bit of experience with blow jobs now. But she was sure her single attempt had been less than exciting for him. He’d had to tell her what to do, for fuck’s sake.
“I’m sorry if that disgusts you,” he whispered in her ear. “We don’t have to do anything as wild as that.”
“I’m not disgusted,” she assured him. “I just feel so . . . so, well . . . so virginal!”
“You’re not virginal—we took care of that last night, remember? You’re just inexperienced.”
That didn’t make her feel better. She needed to educate herself about these things. Maybe it was time for an internet search with the adult filter off.
“Toni?” he said after a moment.
“Yeah.”
“What you said about not letting a man touch you?”
“I meant it,” she said, tugging away so she could look into his eyes again.
“Yeah, I believe you. I just . . . I want to promise the same to you.”
She almost choked on the happiness welling in her chest. “Really?”
“Yeah. I promise not to let any men touch me.”
She snapped her mouth shut as her happiness burst into despair. He was making fun of her? She’d meant that pledge from the bottom of her heart.
“But I need to be honest with you,” he said.
She wasn’t sure she wanted him to be honest with her.
“I’ve never been good at monogamy. Probably because I’ve never had anyone expect it from me.”
She wanted him to be faithful to her, but she was too afraid to press the issue. She wasn’t prepared to lose him entirely. They hadn’t forged a strong enough bond to declare themselves in a committed relationship. She knew that much.
Logan stared down at her as if challenging her to demand his fidelity. Was it because he wanted an excuse to dump her or because he wanted someone to draw a line he may or may not cross?
“Hey, Logan!” one of the roadies called to him. “Mad Dog has been looking for you.”
“I’ll be right there,” Logan said. He glanced down at Toni. “Do you want to meet a legend?”
Toni slipped a hand into her pocket and silenced her phone. “Maybe later. I need to go back to the bus for something.”
“Will it require you to be naked?”
Toni shook her head at him. “Is that all you think about?”
“Absolutely.”
Twenty minutes later, Toni closed herself in the lounge area at the back of the tour bus and pulled her vibrating cellphone out of her pocket. It had been ringing nonstop the entire time she’d made her way through the backstage area of the arena to the bus. She knew it was her mother; no one else would call her over and over again. Text her repeatedly? Sure. But not call. And there was no way she was talking to her mother in front of Logan or backstage at a metal concert. Her mother could be overprotective—stifling even—but Toni didn’t want her to go into cardiac arrest with worry. And Toni couldn’t help but wonder if there was an emergency involving her sister.
“Toni, is everything okay?” her mom asked as soon as Toni accepted the call.
Toni felt guilty for being responsible for the anxiety in her mother’s voice.
“Everything is fine here,” Toni said. “Is something wrong with Birdie?”
“She’s a little whiney about you being gone, but she’s okay. I’ve been worried sick over you. You’re usually so good about calling.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t call sooner,” Toni said. “I’ve been busy working. Actually, I need to get back.”
“You’re still working? At this hour? Are you running yourself ragged?” Mom asked.
“A little, but it’s going well,” Toni said. “I can’t talk long. I need to go back to the arena. They haven’t performed yet, and I want to make sure to record some footage of the concert.”
“When you didn’t call last night or all day today. I was picturing you dead in a gutter.”
Mom often pictured Toni dead in a gutter. Toni wasn’t sure why a gutter always featured in her untimely end.
“Nope, not dead, Mom. If I ever find myself dead, I promise to call you from the gutter immediately.”
“That’s not funny.”
She imagined Logan would have laughed at her joke, no matter how inappropriate.