expecting it, but I didn’t want to admit Gavin was right. “You think I wanted that? That I was with him because…”
“Because you knew it wouldn’t last,” he filled in. “I know you, Pres. I know that you keep people at arm’s length, that you expect the worst from them, that you expect them to disappoint you.”
I didn’t say anything. I wasn’t sure what to say. Everything out of his mouth was the truth.
“Your mom was a no-show in your life, I get that. If I were you, I wouldn’t forgive her, either. But there are people who care about you. People who haven’t disappointed you.”
I knew that.
Gavin continued. “And when your dad died, for some fucked up reason, you decided that you didn’t deserve to do much more than exist. It was almost as though hooking up with Adrian was your own form of punishment. But I have another confession to make.”
I met Gavin’s eyes and waited.
“Adrian really liked you.”
I snorted. “He has a funny way of showing it.”
Gavin nodded sadly. “Adrian came to me to talk about you a couple of days before that happened. He was thinking things between the two of you could be serious, but I’d seen the way things were going. You weren’t invested in him, Pres.”
“No, I wasn’t,” I agreed.
“I didn’t want this thing to blow up for either of you.”
“Funny.” I forced a smile. “I didn’t want things to blow up for you.”
“I’m stronger than you give me credit for. And I’ve stuck by you through it all, sweets. Not once have I turned my back on you. And you should know this right now…” Gavin tipped my chin up, forcing me to look at him. “I’ll never turn my back on you. No matter what.”
I tried to hide the tear that slipped down my cheek, but I couldn’t.
“I didn’t expect you to take the blame, and neither did Adrian. In fact, he told me what he did, told me that you’d seen him.”
I frowned. “He did?”
“Yeah. It wasn’t his finest moment, but he knew he had to cut you loose, so he’d made sure I had gotten wind of his plans, which ultimately was how I’d tipped you off.”
“He should’ve talked to me.”
Gavin nodded. “That would’ve been the grown-up thing to do, yeah, but that’s not the way Adrian operates.”
Wow. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen that.
“What about Jake?” Gavin asked.
I glanced over at him and frowned. “What about him?”
“It’s obvious you like him.”
It was significantly more than like, but again, I kept my lips sealed.
“Don’t push him away, Pres. He’s a good guy. You deserve someone like him.”
I didn’t want to talk about Jake, so I changed the subject. “This thing between you and Blaze…” I waited for him to look at me. “Is it serious?”
“Would it bother you if it was?” he countered.
“No.”
“Why is it that Blaze and I are allowed to find happiness, but you’re not?”
That wasn’t a question I wanted to answer, so I turned it around on him. I stared back at my best friend. “If he wants us to be happy, why doesn’t he fight for me?”
It was a selfish question, one that made my heart ache the more I thought about it, but I honestly wanted to know.
“Why don’t you fight for him?” he countered.
I narrowed my eyes at my friend. “What’re you talking about?”
“You think he doesn’t deserve that from you, too? Two-way street, remember?”
I did not like the practical side of Gavin one bit.
After taking a pull on my beer, I sighed. “Why does it seem that everything has been tied up into a neat and tidy bow?”
“Who says it hasn’t?”
“Shouldn’t there be more angst and drama?” I asked, sighing.
“Not necessarily. Sometimes it just happens, no drama necessary.”
“That only happens in fiction,” I said, looking down at my hands. “And I don’t believe in happily ever after.”
“Well, sometimes, Pres, it’s not about what you believe. It’s just the way that things are.”
For some god-awful reason, that broke me. The sobs started and I couldn’t stop them. The next thing I knew, Gavin had taken my beer bottle, set it on the table with his, and pulled me against him. He simply held me while I cried myself out, letting all of the pain and the desperation seep out through my tears. I hated that Gavin was right. I was my own worst enemy and I didn’t know what to do about that.
After my conversation with Gavin, when I’d finally managed to pull