staying over. I need to go home, my mom… she might come back.”
With one hand on the wheel, and the other resting on the center console, Ares looks over at me. “How long has she been gone?” His question is spoken softly, like he’s coaxing a timid cat out from under the bed.
Sighing I tell him, “Almost a week.”
“Has this ever happened before? Does she take off for a few days once in a while?” His fingers tighten on the steering wheel.
Glancing out the window into the darkness I shake my head in denial, “Never, she barely left the trailer. I have no idea where she would even go. She doesn’t talk to anyone, and she has no one but me.”
I feel the pressure of Ares’s palm on my thigh. “I’ll see what I can do to figure out what’s going on. Do you have a picture of her?”
Wrinkling my nose I think about the one I have tucked away. “It’s old, probably from before I was born, but it might help. She looks the same, but different.”
“How do you mean?” Ares goes unnaturally still, his question is articulated with a forced lightness, but he’s awaiting my response.
“It’s hard to say, but she doesn’t really look older.” Now that I’m actually thinking about it, why did I never think it was strange that my mom didn’t seem to change? “She used to… I don’t know, it sounds silly to say aloud. But when I was younger, I used to think she shined, you know? She was so pretty, so full of life.” Ares’s hand, still on my leg, squeezes before his thumb makes a few lazy circles on the outside of my thigh.
“And now?” he prompts when I don’t finish.
Crossing my arms over my stomach I huff. “Now she doesn’t. She hasn’t for a long while.” Ares comes to a stop at a red light, looking in both directions he spins the wheel like he’s going to make a left turn but makes a U-turn instead.
“If you want to stay at your place, I’ll stay there with you.” Ares pauses before adding, “My brothers will probably show up too.”
“That can’t happen. If my mom did come home and found you guys there she would…she would lose it. She doesn’t do well with people. She thinks everyone is… is like bad… out to hurt us,” I stammer, trying to come up with the right words to describe my mother and her mania. My heart rate doubles just thinking about her reaction. She would kick them out, and we would leave town before I could even tell them goodbye. I get a heavy tightness in my chest when I think about not seeing them again. It may just be the bonds, or our connection, but the thought alone is crippling.
“Then it looks like you’re coming home with me then. Laura, I know this isn’t the life you expected. I know all this must seem crazy to you, but we need each other. All of us.” My name on his lips sends a flutter of excitement to my stomach. Ares looks over at me, his eyes glowing from the lights on the dashboard.
I want that, I want to be needed, hell—I’d loved to be taken care of, even for only a little bit. Just long enough so I could let go of some of the doubts and worries I’ve been clutching for so long. But I also want them to want me to be there. I don’t want to be the person they hide from everyone else. I don’t want to have to question myself so much around them. I find myself wanting to push them away, just to see what it would take for them to leave me, and praying they don’t.
“It’s hard. I don’t really know where I stand with all of you,” I finally tell him as he turns into the lot at Turtle Creek. His car is quite but the rocks under the tires still pop as he glides to the back of the park. My camper sits alone, no lights illuminating the path, with only the flare of Ares’s headlights to guide us.
Before the car is even in park, I release my belt and have a hand on the door handle. I’m not sure why he brought me back here, when he just said he was taking me with him. But I need out of the car anyway, I want out of the forced intimacy the supple interior