Incense and Sensibility (The Rajes #3) - Sonali Dev Page 0,49
single well appointment or vaccination for us with Dr. Sarkar. We use holistic remedies for wellness and symptoms, not for infections and illness. Since when do you not believe in Western medicine? What’s going on?”
“Since when are you such a suspicious person? You don’t wear it well. It’s not part of your true nature.” Tara patted India’s cheeks with both hands.
“And avoiding the truth is not part of your true nature. It’s natural that you’re scared. It’s terrifying to know that you might have something that will take months, maybe years of treatment. But you’re the most courageous person I know. You’re going to fight this. Dr. Kumar will fit us back in.” She pulled out her phone to call his office.
“Stop. I don’t want to go.” Tara took the phone out of India’s hand.
Not leaving people to do things at their own pace was not India’s way.
I don’t have time. What do I have to do to speed things up?
The purpose on Yash’s face had been so unhesitating. She’d always envied people who knew exactly what they wanted and put it before everything else.
The sense that time was important here had been nagging at India. Taking the phone back, she scrolled to the doctor’s number.
Tara snatched the phone back. “India! I said I don’t want to go. What has gotten into you? This is not like you at all.”
Playing tug-of-war with a phone was not like Mom either, and yet here they were. “Not going is not a choice. We have to find out what it is and treat it. Look at the life you’ve lived. Everything you’ve ever put in your mouth is healthy. You’ve practiced yoga and meditation since before you could walk. Whatever this is, your body is primed to overcome it, reverse it. Your body knows what to do.” These were things Tara had taught her, things she’d woven into their core. Without these beliefs, India didn’t even know who she was.
Tara stared at the phone they were both gripping like a baton they couldn’t pass. “That’s not how it always works.”
“I can’t believe you’re saying that.”
Tara let the phone go, and hurriedly—angrily?—started pressing the sweaters into the wooden trunk and slammed it shut. Then she stood and carried it back into the closet, but when she tried to lift it up to the shelf, it wasn’t as effortless as she wanted it to look.
India gave her a hand. “Are you really angry with me for wanting you to go to the doctor when you’re this sick?”
When Tara turned to India there were tears in her eyes, and something else that India had never seen there before.
“Mommy?” India had been adopted when she was sixteen months old. She had no memories of her birth mother, but through most of her childhood she did remember waking up at night with a racing heart, covered in sweat, with an indescribable terror that would only be quelled when she walked around their home and made sure that China, Sid, and Mom were still there.
She felt that same terror now.
Tara blinked her tears away. “Oh, my darling child, I’m not angry at you. I’m never angry at you. How can I ever be?”
India took Tara’s hands and stroked them, thumbs against skin, the way Mom had always done to soothe her, tracing the familiar tendons and vein patterns, the strong sharp knuckles. “Tell me. Whatever it is, we’ll take care of it. Together. Don’t be afraid.”
Her mother had said a version of this to her so many times. Enough times that nothing had ever felt like a crisis because of her.
“I . . . I dropped my health insurance six months ago.”
“What are you talking about?”
“When we did the renovations. You kids spent all that money. You drained all your savings.”
“You drained yours too. And you’re helping pay for the home equity loan.” Mom had insisted on paying into that.
“When I took that on, I thought the incense sales would cover it. But, well, Whole Foods didn’t renew the contract. They decided to import from China, where they could get the incense sticks for less than half of what it costs us to make them. That was our biggest contract.”
India let Mom’s hands go. “Why didn’t you say something? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You’ve already taken on so much. You’re single-handedly running the studio, teaching classes and those retreats, running your practice, helping with incense production. I couldn’t put another thing on your shoulders, strong as they are.”