Inappropriate - Vi Keeland Page 0,78

his arms, spooning me from behind and gripping me so tightly it bordered on painful. But it didn’t matter. If holding me gave him even one ounce of comfort, I’d let him crush me. At some point, I felt his grip loosen, and the sound of his breathing slowed. He’d fallen back asleep. Though I couldn’t. There was way too much to go over in my mind.

Grant had a daughter.

Who would have been seven today.

Her name was Leilani, and she had a boat named after her.

And Grant lived on this boat—seeing his little girl’s name in big bold letters every single day when he came home.

My aunt used to say grief was a lot like swimming in the ocean. On the good days, we could float on top with our heads above water, feeling the sunshine on our faces. But on the bad days, the water grew violent, and it was difficult not to get sucked under and drown. The only thing we could do was learn to be stronger swimmers.

But I knew there was another way to keep afloat—find a life raft. I’d been young when I lost my mother so tragically, and my aunt had become just that for me. I didn’t know if Grant had a life raft, but I felt like maybe, just maybe, everything happens for a reason, and I was here to pay it forward and be that for him.

Chapter 28

* * *

Grant - 7 years ago

All good things must come to an end.

Whoever coined that phrase must’ve been a goddamned genius. I was an idiot for thinking the normalcy that lasted while Lily was pregnant would continue. It had hung on a little while after she gave birth, and two months ago, we’d left the hospital practically floating. In the weeks that followed, though, things started to break down a little bit each day. Lily had trouble sleeping and was irritable. But we had a newborn, and after I went back to work, she did most of the getting up at night. So who wouldn’t be tired and cranky?

At six weeks, we went to her postpartum checkup. When the doctor asked about mood swings and depression, I mentioned the changes in Lily, since she’d answered that everything was great. But Dr. Larson only patted my hand and told me an adjustment period was normal. Lily’s hormones were going back to normal, she had the stress of new motherhood, and Leilani seemed to have her days and nights mixed up. I left feeling hopeful that I’d been overly concerned.

Things started to go downhill pretty steeply the next few weeks. Lily became almost paranoid that something bad was going to happen to the baby. She didn’t even want the nurse to hold Leilani at her two-month checkup, claiming she wasn’t supporting her head enough. Everyone seemed to chalk the behavior up to motherly instincts—a hyper-protectiveness that stemmed from her trying to be the best mother she could. Again…it made sense.

But in the last week, everything had begun to unravel. Lily couldn’t sleep—like, at all. She was physically exhausted, yet barely allowed me to touch the baby. She claimed Leilani liked things a certain way, and I wasn’t doing it right. But I had the feeling she didn’t trust me around my own child. Her paranoia seemed to spread wider and deeper each day, and we argued about it. In fact, lately it seemed like all we did was argue.

Saturday night, I was intent on making things between us better. I made Lily’s favorite dinner, it was a beautiful night, and she sat on the back deck with the baby cradled in her arms, looking peaceful for a change.

“Do you want to eat outside?” I asked, poking my head out from the cabin. “Or should I set up dinner in here?”

“I’m not hungry.”

I frowned. “You didn’t eat anything today.”

“I can’t help it if I’m not hungry.”

“You need to eat, Lily.”

“Fine. I’ll have a little.”

“Inside or outside?”

She shrugged. “Wherever.”

I sighed and went inside to plate the food. Since we had Leilani’s bouncy chair and a dozen other contraptions inside the cabin, I figured it would be easier to eat there. I set everything up at the table and lifted the baby’s favorite vibrating chair onto the bench seat between where we’d sit.

“Come inside. Dinner’s on the table.”

Lily took her seat with Leilani still cradled in her arms. I reached to take her, and she abruptly twisted her body so I couldn’t touch the baby.

“What the hell, Lily?