wanted to question me. Juan wanted her to go home and leave me to him. I was his ‘problem now,’ he said.”
She grimaced. “Eventually, Señorita Ana was persuaded to leave and let him deal with me and Juan went into my abuela’s home.”
Ildaria bit her lip as she recalled her fear in that moment. She’d been terrified for her abuela, afraid Juan would take out his rage over her having unmanned him on the dear old woman. But he hadn’t stayed very long. “Juan was only inside for twenty, maybe thirty minutes. When he came out, my abuela accompanied him. They walked to his horse chatting like they were old friends. And she was smiling happily, as if he had gifted her with something wonderful. She was also promising Juan she would contact him the moment I returned home.”
“Mind control?” G.G. asked at once.
“I don’t know,” Ildaria breathed unhappily. “Maybe, or maybe he just lied and said he was concerned for my well-being and wished to help. She had no idea he was the immortal who had attacked and caused my turn,” she pointed out. “But it didn’t matter. Juan left four men to watch my abuela’s home in case I returned. They were immortals, Enforcers, I suspect. Come morning, six more immortals came, four to replace the men guarding the house, and two who followed at a distance when my abuela walked to work and back. I couldn’t approach her,” she said with remembered helplessness and frustration.
“In the end, I had to give up. I wrote a note to tell her that I remembered what had happened and who my attacker was. That I hurt my attacker while defending myself and accidentally turned myself in the process. I told her I loved her so very much, but feared retribution and had to flee, both to keep her safe as well as for my own safety. I then gave the note to an old friend of my abuela’s to give to her.”
“And never saw her again,” G.G. said, sadness in his tone.
Feeling tears prick the backs of her eyes, Ildaria turned away to grab the tea towel she’d left folded neatly on the counter. Using it as a makeshift oven mitt, she opened the oven and pulled out the muffins. They were golden brown and smelled delicious, but she’d lost her appetite. Still, she set them on the stovetop to cool a bit, and then fetched plates, knives, and butter.
“I’m sorry, Ildaria. You lost everything. It must have felt like the end of the world,” G.G. said softly.
Ildaria shrugged as she set the items she’d collected on the island in front of him. She was not going to feel sorry for herself. She never did that, and muttered, “I did it to myself. Obviously, I didn’t learn from my mother’s mistakes. I just had to rebel and go to the bar.”
“Bloody hell, do not tell me you have been blaming yourself for all of this for the last two hundred years?” he exclaimed with dismay.
“If I hadn’t gone to the bar and drank—”
“If your mother hadn’t been an alcoholic slut jumping from one bed to the other,” he interrupted, shocking her into silence so that he continued. “Or if her last boyfriend hadn’t molested you and killed her. Or if Juan had just saved you and walked you home rather than sexually assault you himself . . .” He paused, glaring at her. “That’s what you should be saying. You didn’t bring any of those things on yourself, and the small part you played by accompanying your friends to the bar where an older brother was going to look out for you was something every kid does at some point, and you were the kid,” he reminded her firmly. “You were a fourteen-year-old girl. A child, and you were only four when you were first molested. Do you blame yourself for that too?”
“No, of course not,” she said at once. “Mostly I don’t even think about that part of my history.”
“But it and the attack ten years later are the reason you lack experience with sex,” he said quietly.
Ildaria blinked several times, and then sighed with defeat as she recalled that had been the point of this talk. Explaining her lack of experience while not being a virgin. “Si.”
“And why you haven’t really been . . . assertive in the shared dreams, but have left me to lead,” he suggested.
She nodded, and then smiled crookedly and pointed out, “Although I’m