If We Never Met (Whisper Lake #5) - Barbara Freethy Page 0,37
"I know I made you angry the other night. I'm not judging you. I'm talking about myself."
"But you did point that comment at me when I mentioned trying to find a balance."
"Guilty."
She ate for a moment, then said, "You told me the other night that you were terrified your career might be over. What would you do if you couldn't pitch?"
"I don't allow myself to think about it."
"Never?"
"Nope. I have one focus, and that's getting back to the mound. It's not balanced. It's all in."
If he couldn't pitch again, he was headed for a huge fall. "I'm a little scared for you. But I'm also really impressed."
"Why would you be impressed?"
"Because your level of commitment is huge."
"Baseball is all I've ever committed to."
"You've had tremendous success with it, so your commitment worked."
"Until my arm decided to go its own way."
"I really hope you get back to pitching, Dante. I'm rooting for you."
"Thank you. By the way, no one else knows how scared I am about my future."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't share that."
"You told me."
"And for the life of me, I don't know why. But when we talk, I find myself telling you things I don't usually share. Nikki has never even once asked me about my family, my relationship with my father or my brothers."
She was surprised. "Really? It seems so ordinary to talk about family."
He shrugged. "Not in my world."
"Your world sounds a little superficial."
"It can be," he admitted. "I don't think I noticed until I came here."
The look in his eyes was unsettling. She took a long sip of her wine. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, I've shared a lot of personal information with you, too."
"You have, but I am curious about something, since we're going deep tonight."
"What's that?"
"What was it like giving up your design career?"
"It was nothing like what you're going through. I wasn't established. I wasn't at the top of my game, like you are. I was working an entry-level job at a fashion house. I ran a lot of errands, and any designing was done after hours in the hope that one day someone would give me a chance to show my designs. But that didn't happen."
"Still, you were pursuing your dream."
"It was a dream to be living in New York," she agreed. "The long hours, the nothing pay, the crappy apartment that I shared with three other girls didn't matter. I loved the city, the excitement, the energy, and the possibilities. I loved being around the designers, the models, and watching clothes come to life. Fashion Week in New York was my favorite time of the year. But in reality, I was more of a spectator in the fashion world than a participant."
"Do you think you'll go back to New York?"
"It's been on my mind the last year. More so since I started designing for my friends. But I don't know, Dante. I feel like that life has already passed me by."
"Why? You're not that old. Are you thirty? Thirty-one?"
"Thirty-one. And it's not just age; it's about lifestyle. What I was willing to do at twenty-two, twenty-three, I'm not sure I want to do now. Money has become more important to me. I don't want to live in a crowded apartment with three other people. I don't want to get coffee and run errands and go back to what I was doing."
"So, don't do that. Start higher. You have more experience now. A country music star just wore your dress on the red carpet. You don't have to do what you did before."
"It's still such a long shot. And New York is a long way from Whisper Lake. If something happened to my mom because I went off to try for something that's probably impossible to achieve, I don't think I could forgive myself."
"Something could happen to your mom while you're living in her house. You know that, Keira. Get honest. It's about fear that you're not good enough."
"I might not be good enough," she said.
"You won't know if you don't put yourself out there."
"It's more complicated than you understand."
"I get it. You have your mom to worry about. And as you told me before, practical matters, like money, play a role. But you don't want to look back years from now and wish you'd given your dream another shot. Have you talked to your mom about it?"
"No. I don't want her to think she is holding me back. That would hurt her too much."