If- Nina G. Jones Page 0,38

across the air in his line of sight above us. “Your laughter. Sprinkles of it.” I watched his eyes see something I could not. “Okay, tell me something. Anything,” he commanded.

“My name is Birdie.” I said, completely failing at originality.

“Birdie, what’s your given name?” he asked faintly. He already knew the answer. The words didn’t matter right now, just the melody of our voices. He was listening but his eyes were straight ahead, observing the phantom fantasia of colors in front of him.

“Annalise Robin Campbell.”

He pointed to the nothingness just in front of us as his finger made a subtle horizontal wave. “Pastel greens and blues, dancing across my vision. Transparent, like light. Cool. Your laughter is warm, but your voice is cool, like a dip into a pool on a scorching hot day. They move like wavelengths and when you stop, they break up and fade away. You have the best looking laughter and voice I have ever seen.”

“Why, thank you. Do you see your own voice?”

“It doesn’t work that way for me. Now you tell me something.”

I felt dull compared to his extraordinary gift. I had no way of telling him how I felt without just saying it. In a way, his ability allowed him to share his intimate feelings without saying the words. It felt safer for him to express and me to hear. I couldn’t say all the things I felt yet, I had already shared so much of myself with him that night.

“I bet you want to know how my face got this way,” I said, casually, to distract from the not-so-casual feelings I felt towards him.

“I bet you want to know how I ended up where you found me,” he said. “How about I don’t ask, and you don’t ask?”

I didn’t mind telling Ash, but I understood it was a way for him to tell me he wasn’t ready to share that story yet. And I understood. We were both trying to guard at least some part of ourselves. Soon, I would get the answer. Just not tonight.

“I don’t know about you,” Ash said, “but I should go clean up and I really have to take a leak.”

“Me too. Want to take a shower together? I’ve always wanted to do that with someone.”

“Another first today?” he asked.

I winked at him.

I gaped at his long lean body and taut butt as he walked off into my bathroom, gave him his time to pee, and followed him when I heard the shower start.

He was already waiting for me, all soaking wet when I followed him in. He pulled me under the spray and kissed me, and the water cascaded off his forehead and onto my nose and eyes so that I scrunched my face. He brushed the excess water off my face, caressing the side that no one touched but me.

When people hugged or kissed me, they always went to the “good side.” People didn’t touch the scars out of respect, I assumed, but it always felt like they thought they were contagious. With Ash, it was like it wasn’t even a second thought.

“Birdie! Bird!”

Before I could even respond to Jordan’s panicked calls for me, he was in the bathroom. My semitransparent shower curtain did not afford the luxury of hiding the identity of my shower companion, not that Jordan didn’t already have an idea.

I could only assume that he thought I might be in some coercive situation when he walked in and saw the clothes strewn about and heard the shower running. Jordan knew I was a virgin.

“Shit,” I whispered under my breath. I peeked my head through. “Jordan, I could use some privacy right now.” I darted my eyes towards the exit.

He pursed his lips and snaked his neck. “Well, well,” he said, dropping his chin and looking up over at Ash, who was behind me. He turned around with some extra sass, waved his finger in the air and called out “Ash, you be good to my girl. She has two gay husbands who are very protective . . .”

And out he went.

I knew that well, well. It meant: you little lyin’ heffa, I knew you were full of shit.

I would have some ‘splaining to do, but it didn’t matter. All that mattered in that moment was the person in front of me.

ASH

I WOKE UP after that first night with Bird more refreshed than I had been in as long as I could remember. I felt ready to take on any challenge. I