If- Nina G. Jones Page 0,111

in his naked splendor.

“You do realize people in the building across the street can see you,” I said, throwing my apron at him.

“Well, if you insist,” Ash replied, putting it on. He went into the fridge to grab something, showing me his exposed butt, which I promptly slapped.

I was falling in love again. Not again. I never really stopped loving Ash. But this love was deeper, there were roots that were sunken deep into the earth. We had a better understanding of ourselves as people, allowing ourselves to be complete for each other.

“Bird, I have to go back to New York,” Ash said solemnly during breakfast.

My heart skipped. I was skittish. I exposed my soul to Ash all over again and he was going back to his old life. He never said we were a thing. We never committed to each other.

“Oh,” I said.

“Bird. I have to go back, for work. I have some projects I need to finish. I never intended on being in LA for so long.”

“Of course. I understand.”

“But, I don’t want this to end.”

“Me neither,” I said.

I was afraid I was jumping back in too fast. He still twitched and spoke in his sleep. He had just started seeing a therapist again. We lived on opposite ends of the country.

“So how do we do this?” he asked.

“I don’t know. I don’t even know where I’ll be in a few months.” I said. This time I wasn’t willing to give anything up for anyone.

“I can take my work anywhere.”

“Ash, you still need to finish up other things in New York. You’ve only scratched the surface.”

“You’re right,” he said, standing up to take his plate to the sink. “But I’m coming back for you Bird. And if you’ll have me, I’d make a life with you on the fucking moon if I had to. I want to spend the rest of my life making up for those five years I missed. I want to watch you dance all over the world. I want to have children with you. We don’t have to choose between our careers and each other. We can have it all.”

“I know Ash. And I love you so much, but—“

“But I left you and I broke your heart. I know, I know,” he said, regretfully.

I wanted to leap in his arms, I wanted to tell him that I wanted all those things, but I was afraid. We had had moments together before, moments so perfect I thought they would never end, and then they did.

“I’m sorry, Ash. I pulled you into my life and I didn’t think about the obligations you had. I might have set expectations I don’t know if I am ready to jump into.”

“Bird, I understand. But I’m only going back to become a better man for you. I’m not letting you go. You take your time. I’ll be waiting for you. If I have to wait forever, I’ll do it.”

BIRD

Ash left the next day.

I was being smart about us. It always seemed like our relationship bore out of extreme circumstances. Losing my best friend accelerated things again, it made me too open to his love. I couldn’t let him back in so easily, not with the way he had left me the first time.

I boxed up the special project to take to the frame shop. It made me wonder about what else I had of Ash’s. I went back down to the storage area and brought up the other boxes labeled “Ash.”

In one of them was all of the art supplies I had gotten him. In another, there were all the crazy sketches he had left on the floor during his episode. And another was filled with many of the paintings he created during our dance and paint sessions. A few other boxes were other pieces from his roof project. Then there was one lonely piece. It seemed forgotten and neglected, rolled up by a thin rubber band and tucked away in a corner of one of the boxes. I pulled off the rubber band and unraveled it.

Our tree. The one we never got to finish. I stared at it for a while as I sat on the floor of the storage unit.

This tree had waited years to be finished. If there was anything I had learned from Jordan’s passing it is that you don’t let people walk away. You deal with things head first. And you finish the damned tree.

Ash was going to be working through painful issues. And I