of love for me, for Hailey and Oscar, full of the life we have ahead of us.
As we continue, I notice the fence has a slight wobble, a discrepancy in the integrity of the wood; I stop and look at the spot where I’m standing. The wood has split in several places: tired of its job, lowly paid, long hours. This piece of wood has had enough; it wants to break free, to escape the confines it has been allocated: to feel the power of the water’s grip, to be caressed and played with as it swims to far-off lands, places with a new view, new cliffs to stand sentry. I push the wood a little, hear its groan of relief, hear its back crack, shackles falling to the ground as it leaps from the cliff edge. Free. Falling. No longer trapped by duty.
Kerry holds my hands as we watch it hit the water, the waves welcoming it, embracing it, offering to show it the secrets below.
I know why she has brought me here.
‘It’s time, Jen, it’s time for me to go.’
She turns and steps towards the edge of the cliff and faces the water.
Chapter Eighty-Two
Ed
I’m in that moment you’re in when it takes your brain a few moments to shuffle your thoughts and organise themselves as my hand taps Jen’s side of the bed, my eyes resting on the space beside me. ‘Jen?’
Something doesn’t feel right. Like that feeling when you wake up after a night out and you know you’ve acted like a dick, but you can’t quite remember what it was that you did.
I get up and push open the door to the bathroom, but it’s empty. Even as I call her name again, I know there will be no reply, because Jen isn’t here. I glance over to where her dress had been discarded last night: it’s missing. My heart is beating hard inside my chest as I call her number, but her phone is beside the bed, my face smiling up from the screen like a joke. Pulling back the curtain, I look down into the castle grounds, but I can’t see her down there. Maybe she went to the bar? I’m trying to convince myself that this is a possibility, even though deep down, I know I’m kidding myself. Something in my bones is telling me that this feels wrong.
My clothes are all over the floor and I push my feet into my trouser legs while simultaneously grabbing the room key and reaching for my shirt. Quietly, I descend the steps. The bar is closed; the hotel is so quiet as I make my way out into the grounds.
‘Jen?’ My voice comes out in a whispered shout; it hurts my throat. I continue calling her name, hurrying through the gardens and narrowing my eyes out towards the sea, towards the cliffs. My breath is hot in my throat as I see it: a flash of green high up on the ridge.
She’s there. The image I have tried so hard to fight is back. Jen jumping, lying flat in the water.
Fear courses through my veins, making my feet run, making my voice catch as I call out her name.
I’m breathing hard as I follow the curve of the path. I look up to where I can see her: she’s standing next to the edge, her right hand is stretching out like she’s holding hands with one of the kids, her dress is bright against the backdrop of dawn breaking, the wind pulling her hair.
‘Jen!’ I shout again but she doesn’t hear me. I’m too far away. I’m too far away to stop her stepping forward.
Chapter Eighty-Three
Jennifer
‘Stop!’ I take her hand in mine. I look down at the dark water; fear is burning my chest. I didn’t think I would be scared. ‘You don’t have to do this.’
Kerry turns to face me. She is wearing her red boots, red coat, her emerald ring, and is smiling out to where dawn is breaking over the horizon.
‘When I was little, if I had a bad dream, I used to sneak into your bed. Do you remember?’
I nod. ‘Your feet were always cold.’ A tear stings my skin as it rolls down my cheek.
‘I always felt safe when I was with you.’
‘You were my little sister. It was my job to keep you safe.’
‘No, Jen. It wasn’t.’ She wipes one of my tears away and smiles. ‘Me dying wasn’t your fault, Jen. It was just an accident.’