‘Do you think it might be your guilt that is making Kerry ill rather than the tablets themselves?’
‘I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve really looked at it that way.’ My phone vibrates but unlike Ed, I ignore it.
‘Do you think you could be that happy again?’ he asks.
I look over at Kerry, who is perched on the edge of his desk, helping herself to a Rolo. She winks at me, just as she had that day.
And then I know.
I can’t be happy again . . . I won’t kill my sister this time.
Our time is up; I gather my things and head towards the door.
‘Jen?’
I turn just in time to catch the foil missile heading in my direction.
‘Aw . . . he gave you his last Rolo!’ Kerry laughs as I smile, thank him and follow her out into the corridor.
Chapter Fifty-Seven
Ed
I’ve shaken my twattishness on the drive over. And as I step inside the school hall, I’m sure they all see School-science-fair Dad. That is who I need to be right now; that is who Hales needs. Parents and children stand with plastic cups filled with weak tea and cheap squash. Desks are pushed up against the walls, displaying science projects of all shapes and sizes: the volcano seems to be a popular choice, but as I push my way through the crowds, I feel a glow of pride that Hailey’s beats these other attempts hands down. I mean. Hands. Down.
I spot her standing awkwardly behind the desk. She is chewing the end of one of her fishtail plaits that I totally rocked this morning. Hailey pulls the plait away from her face, which splits into a wide grin when she sees me. A teacher arrives at the desk at the same time as me and is telling her what a great job she has done. Her cheeks go pink at the praise.
‘Thank you,’ she replies quietly. ‘Daddy helped.’
The teacher turns to me. ‘Well you’ve done a brilliant job, both of you!’ He claps me on the back, sips from the plastic cup and goes on to the next table, where what looks like a giant penis is perched precariously. I feel smug that there is no longer even a hint of the phallic about ours.
‘Yours looks awesome, Hales . . . way better than the rest.’ I look towards where another volcano is belching something that looks like wallpaper paste onto pieces of newspaper; other miscellaneous pieces of debris are sticking to it as it puddles beneath the desk amongst a flurry of teaching staff brandishing blue paper towels.
She giggles and covers her mouth. ‘When are you going to set it off?’
The little plastic vial containing vinegar sits neatly inside a papier-mâché rock, waiting for its big moment. ‘I was going to wait until Mr Newton comes over.’
She leans forward and whispers, ‘I heard that he gives out big chocolate bars to the ones he thinks are the best.’
We fist bump and the room hushes as the headteacher taps the microphone and announces that it’s time for the budding scientists to leave their own stations and go and see their fellow scientists’ work. Hailey skips from behind her desk and leads me around the room. I notice as we do that her voice is much quieter than at home. Each time a teacher or an adult asks her a question, her shoulders fold inwards, like she’s trying to make herself smaller than she already is; her replies are barely audible above the din.
‘Holy cow!’ I say as we approach a working model of the water cycle. It looks professionally made, stainless steel cogs turning and moving a cloud across a Perspex background. There is no way a kid has made that. ‘Whose model is that?’ I ask, leaning forward, peering over the mechanics that are moving the river around. There are even sound effects: birds calling, a stream gurgling.
‘Oh, that’s Rachel Rodriguez’s.’ Hailey bites the skin around her thumb and gestures towards the pretty Spanish girl across the other side of the room. The other girls are hanging off her like expensive handbags.
‘Well, the teachers won’t be fooled. It’s clear that the kid had no input whatsoever.’
The teachers won’t be fooled, right? A knot forms in my stomach. I know I’m being competitive – I can see it in the amused smile Hailey is looking up at me with – but my daughter has spent hours on this project, and right now she needs a win. Just.