If for Any Reason (Nantucket Love Story #1) - Courtney Walsh Page 0,54

the world had thrown them back together. And he couldn’t stop thinking of how badly he wanted to touch her skin.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey.”

“You’re up early.”

She gave Tilly another pat. “I like to watch the sunrise.”

He should get up early more often. “It’s pretty spectacular.”

“Are you an early riser?”

He stood next to her and faced the water. “Not so much anymore.”

“Since you retired?”

He tossed a sideways glance at her, but she wasn’t looking at him. “Hey, are we okay?”

She faced him, her eyes innocent and wide. “What do you mean?”

He looked away. “Things seem . . . strange, I guess.”

She shrugged. “I mean, it’s weird being back here and not knowing anyone. Plus, I do stupid things like pry into your personal life and try to make you talk about baseball when you don’t want to.”

“I told you that was no big deal.” He bent down and picked up a rock, tossed it in the ocean. “It’s just still really hard to talk about.” He could feel her eyes on him.

“Because you didn’t want to leave?”

Was he really going to admit it out loud? Nobody knew the details of his retirement, but there was still, even after all this time, something about Emily. In some ways, he felt like she was the person who knew him best, though she really didn’t know him at all. His eyes found the sand at his feet. “Yeah.”

“Was it the accident?”

“Everyone wanted me to be back—my coaches, my teammates . . . me.” Man, he hated talking about this. “I wanted it more than everyone.”

“But you did come back,” she said, hugging her arms around herself as a breeze kicked up off the water.

He glanced at her. “Yeah, I was the Miracle Man.”

“It was inspiring,” she said.

“It wasn’t real.” He threw a stick down the shore for Tilly to fetch. “I mean, yeah, I came back, but the doctor told me not to keep playing. I was so stubborn. I didn’t listen. I didn’t want anyone telling me what I could or couldn’t do.” Yep. He was saying it all out loud. “I loved that first game back—you wouldn’t believe it. The crowd went crazy when I ran on the field.”

“I believe it,” she said. “I was there.”

He looked at her. “What?”

She kept her focus steady on the water. “I was there. I was one of the ones cheering.” She glanced up and found his eyes.

“No way.” The words escaped, practically under his breath. “Why didn’t you come find me?”

She waved him off. “Are you kidding? You were a huge star. I didn’t even know if you remembered me.”

“Em—” What was he going to say? Truth be told, he didn’t know how he would’ve reacted if he’d seen her at a game. He wasn’t his best after the accident, not even after he became the Miracle Man. His last four years in the majors were a blur of pain and medication and physical therapy and bad moods and eventually his being let go by a team he’d dedicated his very best years to.

He’d made his peace with all of it when he got his life back on track, when he started talking to God again. So why was the sting of it all—the shame—still so fresh, even months later? This wasn’t a side of himself he wanted to show anyone.

He tried to remember the things he’d learned in the last year, the things Jimmy had helped him realize—that bad choices don’t make you a bad person, that God forgave him, that he still had a lot of life to lead.

This second chance with Jolie was, as Jimmy said, a gift from God. “Don’t blow it, Mack.” It was as if the moment he put his relationship with Jolie back together, he could finally move past the rest of the pain.

There were times he was sure he’d forgiven himself, but recently he was sure forgiveness was the last thing he deserved.

“I wish I’d seen you, is all,” he finally said.

“I came to a couple of your games.” She studied the water. “Had to see if you lived up to all the hype.” Finally she smiled at him.

“And . . . ?”

“In the first game I went to—your first one on some pre–Major League team—you hit a home run on your first at bat.” Her grin turned sheepish.

He remembered. First at bat in the farm league and he hit one out of the park. They’d called him up to the show after that. It was one of