If for Any Reason (Nantucket Love Story #1) - Courtney Walsh Page 0,17

car they drive.

Because of that, I don’t always feel like I belong.

For a long time, that really bothered me. I tried to blend into this world I was a part of, but so often I just seemed like a square peg in a round hole.

It’s taken me a very long time, but I’m finally okay with it. I’m okay figuring out who I am, and I’m okay being that person, whether it meets someone else’s expectations or not.

I hope you’re confident enough in who you are that when you feel like you don’t fit in, you’re able to realize that it’s okay, that you won’t fit in everywhere, that not everyone you meet will instantly understand or respect or admire you.

Still, it can be lonely, this state of not belonging. You can feel like you’re floundering a little. I hope you find a place where you’re loved and accepted, but on the days you feel neither of those things, I hope you remember that you are in fact loved and accepted, not just by me, but by God. Yeah, I’m going to go there—I’m going to be that mom, talking to you about Jesus.

You can roll your eyes—go ahead.

But it’s true. I’ve learned it the hard way.

Your grandparents are people of tradition, and while I can appreciate tradition, and I actually find it quite beautiful, the truth is, I feel God best when I’m not closed in by four walls and a ceiling. In a meadow or on a beach. And while I love the church and see so many reasons to go every Sunday, I also don’t think you have to leave God in the pew when you walk out the door.

The way I see it, God is everywhere, which means you can find him everywhere (and I really hope you do). The thing I want you to know about God, if for any reason I’m ever not here to tell you myself, is that he’s ready and willing, whenever you are, to meet you where you’re at. No matter what.

Keep in mind that I’ve made some pretty big mistakes in my life, and still I’ve felt God off the shores of Nantucket or even just looking at your smile. You don’t have to go through puzzles or mazes or riddles to find him—he’s right there, hand extended in your direction, anytime you’re ready.

It’ll be worth it, Em. I promise. Everyone else in this world will let you down, but he never will.

Whenever you feel lonely, he’s there. And he loves you so much. More than I do, though I find that hard to believe considering I love you more than anything. You’ll always belong with me, Emily Elizabeth, and you’ll always belong with him. No matter what.

Love,

Mom

CHAPTER 6

MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND, 1989

Isabelle Ackerman bypassed the cottage’s front porch and ran straight to the backyard. She stripped down to her bathing suit on her way to the ocean, dropping her shirt and shorts in the sand beside her sandals and hat.

She’d been dreaming of the water as she slogged her way through junior year, anxious to get back to the island. It was the only time she felt like a true adventurer. With her parents’ proclivity for rules and order, some days Isabelle felt like she was wearing a straitjacket or struggling for a good, deep breath.

Here, that all went away.

They loosened their hold on her ever so slightly, and Isabelle began to feel alive.

The weight of the upcoming year loomed in the distance, and she pushed away the idea of growing up and moving on in favor of Nantucket skies, trips to Brant Point lighthouse, bike rides all over the island, lazy days on the water, and whatever other adventures the summer held.

She dove into the waves, marking the moment in her mind—it was the moment she’d been craving since she left Nantucket at the end of the previous summer.

The water glistened as the sun cast a diamond-like shimmer over the ocean. She swam out farther, imagining she was in Australia or Thailand or some remote island ripe for exploration.

She’d already created a mental map of all the beaches she wanted to visit the year after she graduated high school, but she was fairly certain her parents would have something to say about her taking a gap year. Namely, You’re not allowed to take a gap year.

But how blissful would it be to wake up every morning right on the beach? To visit different countries and inhale different cultures?