If for Any Reason (Nantucket Love Story #1) - Courtney Walsh Page 0,121

too. He screwed up, but maybe there was something else that happened. Maybe there was an explanation—shouldn’t you at least hear him out?”

“I tried! He barely told me anything.”

Hollis pushed his hand through his hair and turned away.

She didn’t want to think about it. She didn’t want to think about going through the hard stuff—she just wanted it all to go away. She wanted him to go away.

“I know this is hard,” Hollis said. “But hard isn’t always bad. It can be life-changing if you let it.”

“I suppose you’re going to talk to me about God and how much he loves me? How he’s here for me when things are tough?”

He kept his eyes intent on her. “I wasn’t going to, but I believe those things.”

“Well, I don’t,” Emily said. “I tried asking God to help, and this is what happened.”

“Then maybe it was time for you to find out,” he said. “Maybe you needed this information to move forward.”

“This is exactly why I keep everyone at arm’s length. This right here.”

“Why? Because it’s messy? Because it makes you feel something?” Hollis forced her gaze. “What’s wrong with feeling something? It means you’re alive.”

She looked away.

“I know that book of letters means everything to you, but, Emily, have you ever stopped to think maybe your mom didn’t have all the answers?”

Emily wrapped her arms around herself. No. He didn’t get to talk about the letters. She willed herself to stop listening, but he didn’t stop talking, and no amount of wishing it would make him leave.

“She was young. She hadn’t even had time to change her mind about anything she’d written. Do you really want to live your whole life based on the advice of a twenty-five-year-old?”

“She was the only person who ever really loved me.”

“That’s not true,” Hollis said. “And all that stuff she said about love—it’s wrong, Emily.”

A sob grabbed hold of her throat and squeezed. She choked it back, turned away. She didn’t want to talk about this anymore.

“She said use caution. She said be careful. She said don’t risk your heart.” He walked around her, placed his hands on her arms, and forced her to face him. “That’s no way to live. That’s no way to love. I don’t want to be cautious. I want to jump in headfirst. I want to give you every single part of myself—no questions. And when it gets hard, I want to go through it—together. I want to be here with you while you sort this all out. I’m not going anywhere.”

She shook her head. She didn’t need Hollis or anyone else. She didn’t need pity and she didn’t need help. She needed to get as far away from all of this as she could. “You just don’t get it, do you? You don’t get it because you’re just like him.”

Hollis pulled away. “What?”

“The only difference is you had everything—you were rich and famous and everyone liked you—but you still didn’t have time for your own daughter.”

“I explained that to you, Emily.”

“I know what you said,” she said. “You were messed up. You had issues. As if that can explain away a father not being there for his only child. As if there’s ever a reason to let months of a kid’s life pass without seeing them.”

“It was more complicated than that.”

“No wonder you side with Jack. No wonder you want me to give him a second chance. Because if I don’t, it makes you feel like you don’t deserve one with Jolie. And you know what? Maybe you don’t.”

Hollis’s shoulders slumped. She’d wounded him for real this time. No amount of redirecting his emotion would bring him back. She’d been here before. She’d gotten too close, and this was the only way to put the necessary distance between her and the man she thought she loved. This was the only way to protect her own heart.

He found her eyes. “Emily, what do you really want? Not your mom, not your grandma—you.”

She held on to his wounded eyes for many more seconds than she should’ve, the images of the life he’d spelled out for her playing on a continuous loop through her mind.

I want to belong.

But she didn’t. And she wouldn’t. Not with Hollis or anyone else. She couldn’t face the fact that none of this made sense to her or that nothing was what it had seemed.

“Good-bye, Hollis,” she said, and then she turned and walked away.

Hollis watched as Emily made her way back toward the cottage. Going after