need to tell Caden about Zoe. That I know she was his girlfriend. Is his girlfriend? That I get why my sudden presence next door must have caught him off-guard.
I watch him take a long swig of soda, then pour a thin stream of whiskey into the can. It’s Glenlivet, the good stuff. Kaylee’s always been more of a whiskey drinker than I have. I prefer tequila, gin, rum. He makes a few small circles with the can, mixing the whiskey in. My mouth waters slightly, and I tear my eyes away.
“I know about Zoe,” I spit out before I can lose my nerve. Caden’s eyes snap up to meet mine. “My first week here was a little strange. I got a few looks.”
“I bet.” Caden smiles thinly and takes a sip of his drink.
“But then I met Lou Jenkins at the ice-cream shop. He filled me in.”
I watch the corners of Caden’s mouth tug down. He reaches forward and ruffles his hand through Jake’s fur.
“Not a fan?” I ask.
“I’ve got nothing against Lou. Or his ice cream. But his daughter’s a bit much.”
“I met her,” I say. “Martina, right?”
“So you know about the podcast?”
“I’ve listened to most of it,” I admit. “I have one episode left. Seems like she ran out of leads.”
“Martina and everyone else.” Caden takes another sip. “She wouldn’t let up about interviewing me. Which, I get. But what did she think I was going to tell her that I hadn’t already told police? She had this whole theory I was sitting on some critical piece of information. Believe me, if I knew something that could help find Zoe, I would have gone straight to the cops.”
I raise the can to my lips and take a long, fizzy sip. I believe him.
“And it’s not …” His voice trails off, gaze shifting to the can in his hands. It looks like he wants to say something else.
“Not what?” I prompt.
“Nothing. You wouldn’t understand.”
I shift against the stable floor, sitting up straight. “Try me?”
Caden presses his lips together and studies me, considering. “Any guy in a relationship with a missing girl is going to get looked at by the police. That’s fine, they eliminated me from the investigation. But when you’re black, you don’t get eliminated by the public, no matter what the cops say. Martina’s podcast … It doesn’t matter that she tried to be careful, make it clear she didn’t think I directly harmed Zoe. She planted the seed that I was suspicious, hiding things. It’s easy enough to assume the boyfriend did it. But the black boyfriend?” He raises the can to his lips.
“Have people …” I swallow. Caden’s right. I can’t understand what the past few months must have been like for him. Sympathize, sure. But I’ll always have my whiteness to shield me from the kind of scrutiny he can’t escape.
“Been outwardly racist?” he finishes for me. I nod. “It’s more like what people haven’t done. Herron Mills fancies itself liberal. Woke. No one’s going to come right out and accuse me to my face. But I’ve been home for weeks now. There hasn’t exactly been a stream of visitors to check on my mom and me, see how we’re doing. No one’s going out of their way to extend their support, like they are to Zoe’s family. I’m not saying it’s Martina’s fault; it would have happened anyway. But she definitely didn’t help.”
“I’m really sorry. That’s so shitty, and—” I feel shame pooling in my stomach. That Caden had to spell it out for me.
“Anna. You don’t have to apologize for them, or for listening to the podcast. It’s fine.” He takes another long swallow from his can.
“Okay. It’s just, I feel like by being here, I’m making things even worse. I thought it was a bizarre coincidence, how much we look alike, but it turns out it’s really not. Emilia let Paisley get involved in the hiring process. I’m sure I only got the job because of her.”
Caden laughs, and the mood in the stable lifts, air particles rearranging. His laughter is light and warm like the first night. “Figures,” he says. “Paisley loved Zoe. Zoe would bring her over here all the time when she was babysitting. When we were in high school, Paisley had the run of the Windermere grounds. She loved Jake and the horses and the pond out front. The place was in better shape then. My mom was in better shape.”