“I love you.” Her voice is incredibly soft, and I…I can’t breathe.
The room spins a little, and I grasp the blankets to anchor myself.
She’s never said it out loud.
I inhale a deep gasp of air, and it shouldn’t be such a big deal that a girl has said she loves me, but it is. People use pretty words for their emotions, but I never have. In the grand scheme of things, they don’t matter. I prefer actions, but she…she needs more, and I know it. My heart pounds as fear inches in, of putting my feelings out there, of being completely vulnerable. Prickles of awareness hit me mid-chest, my gut pushing me, urging me to…
I swallow. “Charm, I…” My eyes dart around the room. “I…think you shouldn’t miss that quiz.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see her give me a nod. “Right. Of course.”
I feel her staring at me, but I keep my gaze off her.
“If you need anything, just shoot me a text.” Her voice is quiet.
I nod.
She walks to the door and stops, waiting several seconds. “I’ve got a big project to work on so I won’t be coming over later.”
“Sure.” In my peripheral vision, I watch her slip out the door. Inside I’m screaming for her to come back and let me try again, but that familiar hesitation won’t release me. I waver when it really counts, but even knowing it, I can’t…
I hear the door shut out in the den. She’s gone, and I let out a breath.
Later, I’ll beat down this fear, I fucking will, and I’ll tell her how I feel.
I swear. I swear.
Once I get myself straight with this ankle.
Dillon waltzes in a few hours later, fresh from a shower and dressed to go out. He brought me a pizza earlier and I could barely eat it. My head is…jacked.
“Hey, man, Happy Birthday,” I say, pushing away the homework in my lap. He’s twenty-one today and full of fire, and I don’t want to rain on his parade. “You gonna party your ass off?” I push out a grin. “Wish I could go with you.”
He flashes a smile, then gives me a serious look. “Charm not here tonight? I can stay and hang—”
“Get your ass out that door. At least ten girls are waiting on you to show your face at Caddy’s.”
He rubs his head, which is normally shaved but has quickly grown into a clipped style over the past few weeks. “True that. They’ve all been texting to see who’s the lucky lady tonight.” He laughs, lingering at my door. “I’ll keep your door shut in case some of us come back, okay?”
I nod and gesture to my books and meds on the nightstand. “Trust me, I’m good. Don’t worry about me.”
He leaves the dorm and I pick up my laptop to work on my notes, but my eyes get heavy and I push them away. Later, I focus on the TV, watching Mark Antony for a while, until the room darkens and my eyes are closing. At least oblivion pushes away football and Charisma.
I slowly come to in my bed. It’s late; I can tell by the total darkness in the room and the TV that’s turned itself off. I’m lying on my back, and I figure I must have moved around in my sleep to get comfortable. One glance at the clock tells me it’s midnight.
A warm body is pressed against mine, a small hand curled around my waist, fingers idly drawing small circles on my bare chest.
“Charm, baby.” I turn to face her, my hands reaching out in the dark to touch her, needing my anchor.
She sighs and scoots in closer to me, her hands slipping under my shorts and stroking my cock. I groan, arching up off the bed. It’s been three days since I had her, since I was between those legs. We could have had sex, but I hadn’t been in the right headspace, and maybe part of me had needed some distance, to think about the Combine and how screwed up it was.
But now…after what she said…I need her. I don’t know what love is, but I can show her how I feel.
I reach for her breast. It’s warm and small and—
I stiffen.
“Blazey…”
“Dani! What the fuck? How did you get in here?” I scramble up on the bed and reach over to turn on the lamp.
What did I almost…what did I do?
She blinks at the light and sits up, the covers slipping