I Hate You - Ilsa Madden-Mills Page 0,30
discuss.”
He proceeds to ask people to offer their opinions on why we should or shouldn’t be able to talk openly about these topics.
DING!
Real men buy tampons. Lord knows my two older brothers were all up in my business and took care of anything I ever needed growing up.
I smile down at my paper, drawn into the lesson—a great distraction from the hotness next to me.
Logical, human brain: one point. Illogical, sex-starved, lizard brain: zero.
Easing over a hair, I try to see what he wrote. Suck on a peppermint and jack off.
I bite my lip. WTH. My shoulders shake as I try to not laugh.
“Stop peeking. This is personal,” he whispers out of the corner of his mouth.
“Jacking off usually is,” I whisper back, holding my head down so the professor doesn’t notice. “No wonder you like Christmas. How many peppermints does it take to get you there?”
I sneak a look at him when he doesn’t respond. His eyes meet mine, glinting with laughter. “There’s the sassy girl I know. Smartass.”
The professor continues and I try to focus, but shit, he’s going to be in this class—right next to me—for the whole semester.
DING!
He’s going to drive me crazy.
He wrote, Where’s that Kama Sutra book? I bet she still has it. Get a copy.
I take a deep breath. This is going to be a long semester.
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a piece of Big Red gum, unwrapping the red rectangle, popping it in his mouth, and chewing. How can a dude look hot chewing on a stupid piece of gum? I don’t have an answer for that, but of course he manages to pull it off.
I can’t help but see that his fingers play with the foil the gum came in. He presses it flat on the desk and runs his hands across it. Slow and easy, straightening out the lines until it’s smooth as paper. Then he picks it up, folds it, kisses it, and tucks it back in his pocket.
How…strange.
Then I remember.
My heart stops for a second before stuttering back to life.
That gum.
That wrapper.
The words I wrote—
Tears—shit—tears threaten, and I blink them away and clench my fists. Don’t, Charisma. Don’t remember.
DING!
Big Red, I write.
This time I hide my paper, and he does too, cupping his big palm over it. Guards are up. I know mine is, and I can feel his emanating from him like a force field. He doesn’t want me to read what he wrote, and frankly, I’m terrified to know what he remembers.
Did he get the note I left on his door the night he dumped me? It was after three in the morning and dark out, and his place was dead silent.
Did it blow away in the wind?
It totally blew away. It did. Must have. It was a windy evening and his door is in an alcove that invites the air—or at least that’s what I’ve been telling myself these past three months.
I bite my lip again. Dear God, Please let him not have seen what I wrote in a drunken-crying-my-eyes-out-weak moment.
DING!
He saw my note. I feel it in my bones. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He knows I begged him back.
I glance over at him, but he’s bent over now, clearly being secretive.
Somehow, I manage to push him out of my head and focus. The lecture continues for the next hour with several more dings.
Dr. Cartwright says, “Before we end class, I would like to hear a few of the random thoughts you recorded. We need honesty if we are going to better understand each other, so I would appreciate your cooperation. Here in the front row, please share your third response.”
The girl in question is next to Dillon and crosses her arms like she’s trying to protect herself as she blushes.
“Please, you’re amongst friends. There is nothing you can say that will shock or embarrass any of us.”
“Well, the third thing I wrote down was I need to pee.”
Chuckles drift across the lecture room.
Dr. Cartwright grins. “Good, good. Thank you for being honest. That is surprisingly common when we do this exercise. Now, how many others wrote that down at some point this morning?”
Around twenty students raise their hands, including Dillon. Blaze and I both give him a look, and he just shrugs. “I had a huge protein drink right before class.”
Professor Cartwright continues, “My suggestion to you all is to try to take care of pissing before class so we can better focus. Okay, now how about a celebrity in our midst.