The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms - By N. K. Jemisin Page 0,122

the deed, yet that still made no sense; hed loved her. But if he had been acting on Dekartas orders

You dont need to explain, I replied. I can guess. When you were young, you were like these two I gestured to Relad and Scimina. Self-absorbed, hedonistic, cruel. But not as heartless as they, were you? You married Ygreth, and you must have cared for her, or your mother wouldnt have designated her your sacrifice when the time came. But you loved power more, and so you made the trade. You became clan head. And your daughter became your mortal enemy.

Dekartas lips twitched. I could not tell if this was a sign of emotion, or the palsy that seemed to afflict him now and again. Kinneth loved me.

Yes, she did. Because that was the kind of woman my mother had been. She could hate and love at once; she could use one to conceal and fuel the other. She had been, as Nahadoth said, a true Arameri. Only her goals had been different.

She loved you, I said, and I think you killed her.

This time I was certain that pain crossed the old mans face. It gave me a moments satisfaction, though no more than that. The war was lost; this skirmish meant nothing in the grand scale of things. I would die. And while my death would fulfill the desires of so manymy parents, the Enefadeh, myselfI could not face it in such clinical terms. My heart was full of fear.

In spite of myself I turned and looked at the Enefadeh, ranged behind me. Kurue would not meet my eyes, but Zhakkarn did, and she gave me a respectful nod. Sieh: he uttered a soft feline croon that was no less anguished for its inhumanity. I felt tears sting my eyes. Foolishness. Even if I werent destined to die today, I would be only a hiccup in his endless life. And I was the one who was dying, yet I would miss him terribly.

Finally I looked at Nahadoth, who had hunkered down on one knee behind me, framed by the gray cloud-chains. Of course they would force him to kneel, here in Itempass place. But it was me he watched, and not the brightening eastern sky. I had expected his expression to be impassive, but it was not. Shame and sorrow and a rage that had shattered planets were in his eyes, along with other emotions too unnerving to name.

Could I trust what I saw? Did I dare? After all, he would soon be powerful again. What did it cost him to pretend love now and thus motivate me to follow through with their plan?

I lowered my eyes, pained. I had been in Sky so long that I no longer trusted even myself.

I did not kill your mother, Dekarta said.

I started and turned to him. Hed spoken so softly that for a moment I thought Id misheard. What?

I didnt kill her. I would never have killed her. If she had not hated me I would have begged her to return to Sky, even bring you along. To my shock, I saw wetness on Dekartas cheeks; he was crying. And glaring at me through his tears. I would even have tried to love you, for her sake.

Grandfather, said Scimina; her tone bordered on the insolent, practically vibrating with impatience. While I can appreciate your kindness toward our cousin

Be silent, Dekarta snarled at her. His diamond-pale eyes fixed on her so sharply that she actually flinched. You dont know how close I came to killing you when I heard of Kinneths death.

Scimina went stiff, echoing Dekartas own posture. Predictably she did not obey his order. That would have been your privilege, Grandfather. But I had no part in Kinneths death; I paid no attention to her or this mongrel daughter of hers. I dont even know why you chose her as todays sacrifice.

To see if she was a true Arameri, Dekarta said very softly. His eyes drifted back to mine. It took three full heartbeats for me to realize what he meant, and the blood drained from my face as I did.

You thought I killed her, I whispered. Father of All, you honestly believed that.

Murdering those we love best is a long tradition in our family, Dekarta said.

* * *

Beyond us, the eastern sky had grown very bright.

* * *

I spluttered. It took me several tries to muster a coherent sentence through my fury, and when I did it was in Darre. I