The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms - By N. K. Jemisin Page 0,113
with a puzzled look. And why did you choose to tell me? I asked.
A shadow of unease passed over his face; he lowered his eyes. Its true that I shouldnt have, he said slowly. Kurue wouldnt have allowed it, if shed known. But what Kurue doesnt know A faint smile crossed Siehs face. Well, it can hurt her, but well just have to hope that doesnt happen.
I folded my arms, waiting. He still hadnt answered my question, and he knew it.
Sieh looked annoyed. Youre no fun anymore.
Sieh.
Fine, fine. He slid his hands into his pockets and shrugged with total nonchalance, but his voice was serious. You agreed to help us, thats all. That makes you our ally, not our tool. Kurue is wrong; we shouldnt hide things from you.
I nodded. Thank you.
Thank me by not mentioning it to Kurue. Or Nahadoth or Zhakkarn, while youre at it. He paused, then smiled at me with sudden amusement. Though it seems Nahadoth has his own secrets to hide with you.
My cheeks grew hot. It was my decision. I blurted the words, irrationally compelled to explain. I caught him by surprise, and
Yeine, please. Youre not about to try and tell me you took advantage of him or anything like that, are you?
As I had been about to say exactly that, I fell silent.
Sieh shook his head and sighed. I was startled to see an odd sort of sadness in his smile. Im glad, Yeinemore glad than you know. Hes been so alone since the war.
He isnt alone. He has you.
We comfort him, yes, and keep him from completely letting go of his sanity. We can even be his lovers, though for us the experience is well, as strenuous as it was for you. I blushed again, though some of that was at the disquieting thought of Nahadoth lying with his own children. But the Three had been siblings, after all. The gods did not live by our rules.
As if hearing that thought, Sieh nodded. Its equals he needs, not pity offerings from his children.
Im not equal to any of the Three, Sieh, no matter whose soul is in me.
He grew solemn. Love can level the ground between mortals and gods, Yeine. Its something weve learned to respect.
I shook my head. This was something I had understood from the moment the mad impulse to make love to a god had come over me. He doesnt love me.
Sieh rolled his eyes. I love you, Yeine, but sometimes you can be such a mortal.
Taken aback, I fell silent. Sieh shook his head and called one of his floating orbs out of nowhere, batting it back and forth in his hands. This one was blue-green, which teased my memories mercilessly. So what do you plan to do about Relad?
Whatoh. So dizzying, this constant switch between matters mundane and divine. Ill meet with him.
Yeine
He wont kill me. In my minds eye, I saw Relads face from two nights ago, framed by the doorway of my room. He had come to tell me of Siehs torture, which even Tvril had not done. Surely hed realized that if Scimina forced me to give up my secrets, she would win the contest. So why had he done it?
I had a private theory, based on that brief meeting in the solarium. I believed that somewhere deep down, Relad was even less of an Arameri than Tvrilperhaps even less than me. Somewhere amid all that bitterness and self-loathing, hidden behind a thousand protective layers, Relad Arameri had a soft heart.
Useless for an Arameri heir, if it was true. Beyond uselessdangerous. But because of it, I was willing to chance trusting him.
I could still choose him, I said to Sieh, and he knows that. It would make no sense, because it would guarantee my peoples suffering. But I could do it. Im his last hope.
You sound very sure of that, Sieh said dubiously.
I had the sudden urge to tousle Siehs hair. He might even enjoy it given his nature, but he would not enjoy the thought that triggered the impulse: Sieh really was a child in one fundamental way. He did not understand mortals. He had lived among us for centuries, millennia, and yet he had never been one of us. He did not know the power of hope.
I am very sure, I said. But I would be grateful if youd come with me.
He looked surprised, though immediately he took my hand. Of course. But why?
Moral support. And in case Im horribly, horribly wrong.