hands on my stomach, which felt like a churning car engine. “I feel utterly rotten,” I said, the lightning flashing near us again. “I think I’m going to be sick. I need to move inside.”
“Why don’t you put your feet in the pool for a while?” she suggested. “The water is freezing. It will sober you right up.”
She swirled her drink, which was dark and on ice, and pointed. Lanterns lined both sides of the long, rectangular pool, their tiny candles producing surprisingly large flames.
I contemplated the pool for a moment, but knew I was too drunk to walk over to it without stumbling.
“I can’t—” I said, turning back to her and gasping when I saw a flash of exposed skin. “What are you doing?” I hissed, reaching for the woman’s arm. She had taken off her coat and was unzipping the back of her dress. As she reached her right arm behind her, I saw blood dripping down her forearm. A stream of blood.
“You’re bleeding!” I exclaimed, trying to get to her, to help her, but my body felt so heavy, I could hardly move. When I managed to stand, I collapsed onto her chair, but I immediately felt that my feet were bare.
I glanced down and saw I’d kicked off my shoes. I looked at the tops of my feet and screamed, leaping up with legs that felt detached from my body. My feet were covered in tiny black ants.
“We have to move from here,” I shouted. The blood had dripped from the woman’s arms to her dress, which was only half on.
She was crying. Her black hair, so elegantly styled when I’d sat down, was plastered to her cheeks with tears and sweat.
“I’ll get my husband,” I said, trying to put her dress back over her bare shoulders. “I’ll find him!” I assured her as she pulled away from me.
“Jessie!” I heard her scream back at me, her arms around my shoulders. “Jessie!” she screamed again. She was shaking me and trying to detach me, begging me to stop.
“Jessie!” I heard a man’s voice yell. I stopped moving and looked up. Behind me, grabbing for me, was Victor.
“Jessie,” he repeated, more quietly. “What are you doing to this woman? Are you all right?
“I am so terribly sorry, madame,” I heard Victor say as his hand on my shoulder got firmer.
“Victor,” I said, trying to make out his face in the dark. “You have to help her. Help Binh. She’s bleeding!”
“What are you talking about?” He sounded terrified. “You’re screaming. We could hear you in the house. And then I rush out to the terrace to see what is going on, and you’re attacking this woman! What’s wrong?” He gripped my arms. “Are you drunk? Are you sick?”
“I don’t know,” I said. I reached out for him, although I couldn’t see him well. But I could feel his hands on my body and his anger rolling over me.
“We need to leave,” he said. “Everyone is still there, staring at us.” He looked toward the terrace, and I tried to follow his gaze, but all I saw was a sea of color.
“I’ll say you’re very ill,” he said tightly. “We’ll go around the side of the house, not through it. You can give your apologies another day.” He let go of me a moment and turned to the Indochinese woman.
“Are you all right?” he asked. “Did she hurt you?”
“She’s bleeding!” I called out. “And she was taking off her dress.”
“I’m fine,” I heard her say. “Just help your wife.”
I felt Victor’s hands go around my waist, hoisting me off the chair. Then I didn’t feel anything else at all.
TWENTY-NINE
Jessie
November 17, 1933
“Victor, for the hundredth time, I am sure she needed help,” I said, throwing myself back on my pillows. “I was trying to help her! I’m sorry I embarrassed you. I’m sorry I embarrassed myself. But I am sure she was bleeding. Not just a tiny cut, it was gushing down her arms.”
“You’re still not understanding,” said Victor, his voice rising. “That’s the problem. I don’t care about the embarrassment, Jessie. We’ve lived through worse, haven’t we?”
I looked at him and didn’t answer.
“What I’m concerned about is you. This … psychotic episode that you had. And how you attacked that woman, just like—” He paused and looked at me very seriously. “Just like … before. It’s as if you and the reality we are living in just splintered.”
“I don’t know. But I believed that she desperately needed my help.