How Much I Feel - Marie Force Page 0,86

love you, too, but you’re not to make decisions based on us.” Dad gives Mami a quelling look that has her thinking better of what she was going to say. “You would be fine without us, and we would be fine without you—if we have to be. We want you to be happy, Carmen. That is all we want for you.”

I appreciate that he’s given me the freedom to do what’s best for me, even if it wouldn’t be what’s best for them. I’ve got a lot to think about. That’s for sure.

CHAPTER 21

JASON

I stop for dinner at an Italian place that has nothing on Giordino’s. I may be ruined forever for Cuban and Italian food after eating there. I may be ruined for everything if I’ve lost Carmen, which is a profoundly depressing thought that sucks the life out of me as I drive back to the hotel where I haven’t slept in days.

A lot of my stuff is at Carmen’s, which means I’ll have to see her at some point. But out of respect for her wishes, I buy a toothbrush, toothpaste, razor and comb in the hotel gift shop, along with a bottle of water. I pay for the items, take the bag from the clerk and turn to head toward the elevator when I see her.

Ginger.

Sitting in my hotel lobby waiting for me, looking as always as if she just stepped off a runway in Milan. She once told me that her color palette was autumn, which is why she wears tans, oranges and browns exclusively. I should’ve taken one thing from that information—that she’s shallow and concerned with all the wrong things. Hindsight is indeed twenty-twenty. Today she’s wearing orange, but all I see is red.

For a second, I’m so surprised to see her that I’m speechless. She looks at me with those big green eyes that used to move me, and it’s all I can do not to lose my shit. “What do you want?”

“Can we talk? Please?”

“Absolutely not.” I wonder how she found me, but that’s secondary to getting rid of her. “Go home. There’s nothing for you here.”

“Jason, I want to apologize.”

“Good, thanks. All set. Go away.” I head for the elevators, hoping she got the message.

She didn’t. She grabs my arm to stop me, and since I’m not up for a nasty public scene, I glare at her until she releases me.

“I have less than nothing to say to you.”

“I have things I need to tell you. Give me five minutes, please?”

“I’m not giving you thirty seconds. Go back under the rock you crawled out from under and leave me alone. Your scheme has been a roaring success. I hear Howard quit the board. Congratulations on ruining the lives of two people. You should be very pleased with yourself.”

To my great horror, she begins to cry. “I’m so, so sorry. I never intended—”

“What didn’t you intend? For the whole sordid mess to get plastered all over the New York media, or for me to lose my job, or for your kids to find out what a shameless bitch their mother is?”

“Any of it. I didn’t intend for it to go as far as it did.”

I stare at her, incredulous. “What did you think would happen when your husband, who runs the hospital where I work, walked in on us when my dick was down your throat?”

A guy from the hotel approaches us, his expression stormy. “That’s enough, folks. Take it upstairs or outside unless you want me to call the cops.”

“I apologize.” I notice there’re kids in the bar area, too far away to have heard what I said but close enough that I shouldn’t have said it. Why am I even talking to her? “I’m going upstairs. Alone.”

“Jason . . .”

“I really ought to thank you, Ginger.” I’ve turned down the volume considerably, but I hope the glare I direct her way is as frosty as I intend it to be. “If you hadn’t blown up my life, I never would’ve come here and met the most extraordinary woman I’ve ever known. So thanks for that, for leading me to her. She makes this entire nightmare worth every bit of hell and heartache you put me through.” The elevator dings when it arrives. “Have a nice life.”

Her tear-stained face is the last thing I see before the doors close and the elevator gets me the hell away from her. As the car ascends, I realize my hands are shaking, and

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